I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Thanks @tyme . I really didn’t know what to expect.

I am really anxious about it. Especially after rapid cycling with my moods. The MH nurse rang me this morning in the middle of an extreme mood. 

I was hoping for a miracle!  Lol. My biggest fear is that they admit me. 

After my app tomorrow I have a GP app in the afternoon so that’s tomorrow full. 
Friday my dog has a play date for the last time before my friend leaves town. So that only leaves the week end to fill. Usually the days off are great but at the moment I do find it affects my

mood.

Thanks for your support 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Your concerns are very understandable.

Usually, admission into a unit is one of the last things. They try to keep you in the community as much as possible, especially with work etc.

Be straight and honest with them. You will work as a team. It is not a one-sided miracle - as some people assume.

I've been there @Captain24 . Being a team player was made everyone's life a lot easier - and brought recovery closer.

All the best,

tyme

[Captain24]

Admission has already been mentioned twice @tyme That’s why part of me is scared to be totally honest. 

Im hoping if I meet them in the middle then I can finally make the road to recovery. 

Thanks

[tyme]

Meeting halfway is a great idea @Captain24 .

Fingers crossed. I'm very hopeful.

Looking forward to catching up with you tomorrow after your meeting.

Take a deeeeeepppppp breath.

tyme

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

It wasn’t as bad as I thought. I did have to concentrate on my breathing to keep calm.

I have been diagnosed as probably bipolar II. Now I have to process that and try to accept it. 

[tyme]

Biploar II.... @Captain24 .

I'm glad it wasn't as bad as you thought. Hopefully you can monitor how things go and I guess go for a review as needed.

I was diagnosed with bipolar in the past, but when my moods didn't match (constant up and downs), the hospital realised it wasn't bipolar. I'm so glad it was picked up.

But whatever the diagnosis, you can still work with what's happening for you, and we're here to support you.

I hope you can have a goooood sleep, now that this appointment is over.

tyme

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme you don’t sound confident in that diagnosis! I am struggling to accept it. Reading through information I can see a lot of it but not all of it. 

At this stage it’s just a possibility. I have blood tests tomorrow and have to stop the anti-depressants immediately.  I was given another medication last week to help try and stop the mood cycles so that one has been increased for a month. Then I have a month unmedicated and after that month I see her again. 

I have to remain in constant contact with the MH nurse and GP through all this. Just hoping and praying it all works out. 

I haven’t had any unhealthy thoughts for 2 nights but had a massive high yesterday. 

Today I’m just scattered and confused and I don’t really feel ok. 

Sorry I know I over share but I have nowhere else to get it out. 

Thank you so much for your support and guidance through this. 

I hope you had a great day

Thanks 

Captain24 💕

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

Receiving a diagnosis can be a stressful period. For some, it can be a relief to have a name for what they are experiencing, yet for others, it can be be the start of stigma, loneliness and isolation.

One thing to remember, you are NOT the sum of your label. You are you. You have strengths, you have weaknesses, you have challenges, you have victories. This is the beauty of it. Seize every opportunity. Learn from them. Grow as a person. Because what you learn is for YOU. 

Monitor how things go for you. Remember, pdocs are not magicians. It will be trial and error. Hopefully, it will bring more stability for you at this time.

I am hopeful. Standing with you in this 🙂

tyme

[Bow]

I like what you said there @tyme ! 

you got this @Captain24 praying things start to improve for you, but know that sometimes in the beginning things can feel a bit worse. You got it though. And we are here 💕

[Captain24]

I am a little relieved @tyme but at the same time I feel the stigma and loneliness as well.

I’m scared that giving up the anti-depressants. Is going to make things worse even though I don’t think they are working? I need to throw them out for my safety but at the same time I want to keep them in case I need them. This is just part of my confusion.. 

Im scared that the anti-psychotics aren’t enough. I’m scared of what they actually mean. I can’t afford to put anymore weight on. I worried that it’s only a month trail and then a month of nothing. Is that enough to bring me out of this or am I going to end up spiralling down again. 

I am learning every day and have learnt a lot but I’m not confident that I have learnt enough to get me above the water and keep me there. 

The MH nurse is only a phone call away if I need her but I kind of feel abandoned at the same time as there hasn’t been anymore apps booked. Then the GP is going away for a week. I know worrying about both of these is stupid but it’s just what is going through my head. 

I need to have more confidence in my strength. I have kept myself reasonably safe to get to this point. I hope I’m able to pick up the signs and triggers if things start to go down. But at the same time I need to not overthink! I’m not sure how safe I am. 

As you can see, my head is so scattered and confused. 

Im with @Bow I really like how you put the ‘label’ paragraph! It actually made me emotional which is surprising considering all the suicidal and SH thoughts I’ve had haven’t triggered any emotion. 

Sorry I’ve got a lot on my mind. 

Thank you both for being there it means so much more than you realise.