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Saddened · ‎13-04-2020

I think you are right in saying that he can’t manage himself to leave the house because he can’t keep a job and has no money. He has had countless jobs but never been able to hold one for any length of time. He has no savings. I would say most of it has gone to smoking cannabis of which I don’t fund or support. He is currently unemployed, again.

I have suggested to him that if he doesn’t like living at home because he can’t adhere to respecting people and being an active family member he should consider getting his own accommodation and live in the manner he wants. That didn’t go down well as he saw it as rejection and not caring for him, which is part of the emotional dysregulation of BPD. Of course that triggered him into an episode so I never bought that up again. It’s very hard to suggest, advise or even set boundaries with him. Of late there is more rage and paranoid ideation than moments of calmness. I’ve seen him in psychotic episodes previously that have with time subsided however of late it seems more prevalent. He makes no sense at all and his paranoia is highly intensified. If I don’t share his opinion with anything he says he goes into a rage and the abuse and false accusations begin. I try to do the acknowledge, listen, walk away if things get heated but I really feel they don’t help. Maybe I’m doing it wrong 😢

I’ve tried setting boundaries but it’s been difficult. He just laughs in my face or gets aggressive.

You are right in saying he needs to leave but how do I get him to leave outside of getting him evicted or selling my house ?

Appleblossom · ‎13-04-2020

@Saddened

I had done years and years in different situations of all those calm rational interactions with psychotic individuals. My go statement was deep and heart felt. There was nothing else, so no name calling, nothing. It was the end of the line for me.

You cannot live in fear of triggering an episode and he will NOT benefit from feeling he can manipulate you in that way. If you can look him in the eye and mean that you DO NOT REJECT him, then those feelings of rejection are only feelings. So detach from manuipulation. I cannot promise you he wont do anything.

My son has found that he likes his own company and likes having his own place. Yes I did his wash for a while and bought many trolley loads of real food ...

PARC which might be an option for your son ... but they only give those opportunities to people who are willing to work at things. He can choose to miss out ... but away from the mother ... they can usually see more options ... you only need to be a backstop from now ...

the Catt team I called on myself once told me my son had to feel concrete ... that did not help much ... yeah ... the system ... sigh ... but use any of it that helps.

Saddened · ‎13-04-2020

@Appleblossom

You are right in saying I am living in fear of triggering an episode. There is so much I don’t do and say for that very reason, as does his brother and anyone else who is close to me and is conscious of his behaviour.

Guess I need to take some deep breaths and only hope for a good outcome however It’s dealt with.

Thank you 🙏

greenpea · ‎14-04-2020

@Saddened Saddened they should have taken him. I can understand your disappointment. I was thinking can your partner stay over with you while you are going through the process of removing your son? He is an adult and should be out of your house if he cannot abide by the rules and is not seeking help for his mental illness. you should not feel unsafe in your own home. Love peaxxx

Saddened · ‎14-04-2020

@greenpea

Sadly I've stopped my partner from coming to my house currently as my son is confrontational with him too. He harasses him with false allegations of plotting against him, he is demeaning to him and he intimidates him with consistent texts if not face to face. I fear that my son in a state might do something to him too hence why I request my partner to keep away from the house. I'm just trying to protect everyone at the moment.

greenpea · ‎14-04-2020

@Saddened I hate to say this but it sounds to me that you need to get your son out of the house which will require alot of tough love from you which is why I believe you need the help of your partner and the police. You need your partner their to support you as I dont think atm you are strong enough to do this by yourself. When My son2 was psychotic it was scary he is 7 foot a big guy and he would intimidate me plus I was also unwell .... the thing I had going for me was his age he was 16 when everything hit the fan and he was recovered by 23. Now he is an angel who takes his medication because he doesnt want to get like that again. Atm your son has everything he wants he has you at his beck and call he can do anything he wants without any consequences to his actions.

I am curious as to why the nurse said he wasnt psychotic .... then again perhaps not as I found the public system very ordinary to be honest. The ball is in your court .... what do you want to do? Do you want more of the same or do you want to make changes for yourself and your son for the better. Which is why I believe as said previously I believe that tough love is the only way forward for your family. Love peax

Saddened · ‎14-04-2020

@greenpea

You are right in everything you say. I'm working myself up to "just bite the bullet" as they say and do what needs to be done for everyone's sake. The process to do what needs to be done may well be a painful one but I know I have no choice. I just need to find the strength as you say and try and overcome my fear of my son to make it happen. Thank you for your support and advice.
xx

greenpea · ‎14-04-2020

@Saddened Dear Saddened it is an incredibly difficult position that you are in. You are a good and caring mother who is in an unenviable position. I will tell you something that might help. Once my son2 threatened me with the sharp object and then my daughter I decided to with prompting from the police to take an avo on him. It went to court my son2's lawyer was dead against it, his father was dead against it and the magistrate knocked it back .... BUT the police wrote a lette on official paper to my son saying he wasnt to threaten or hurt his mother. At first he hated that letter but his behaviour improved out of sight after that over time. Now he appreciates that letter. I thought he was heading for a secure mental health facility at a time now he has a future. Given structure there is hope for your son but you dont want him getting himself into trouble by hurting you or anyone else.

Anytime you want to talk just let me know. I am sending you kind and caring thoughts and wishes my friend Saddened. Take care. greenpeaxx