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@Hopeandlove there are other ways of accessing veins apart from a cannula so there’s still options there.

I don’t know what state (in Australia) you are in, but you should have access to consultation liaison psychiatry while you are in hospital. You can ask your treating team about accessing that service. It’s for people to deal mentally with their physical illness and they also see people with existing mental illnesses.

You are going through an extremely difficult time mentally and physically and you are being very resilient.