Struggling: TW suicide

[creative_writer]

@tyme I feel you on that one. I can handle being on my own, it’s my preferred option, I guess I’m also so used to it. But it’s painful being surrounded by people and not being able to be seen or being able to connect.

[tyme]

So true @creative_writer . I end up feeling very frustrating when I can't connect with others. It makes we want to run away and hide so I can be on my own.

I guess that's why I love living on my own, but I know many don't have that option. For me, I'm surrounded by people all day, then I go home to be by myself to have some alone time - OR, I hang out with my awesome peeps here 🙂

[creative_writer]

@tyme it’s tiring having to pretend at home. You would’ve thought being at uni and having interactions with people would ease things with loneliness, but i am struggling to connect.

[tyme]

As I've mentioned in the past, I have learnt that loneliness is a state of mind @creative_writer . We can be swamped with people and feel lonely, or we can be absolutely living in isolation and alone, yet not feel lonely.

Hence, from my experiences, I feel being alone and being lonely are 2 different things. What do you think?

Also, when I was at uni and at work in the past, I set myself very clear boundaries. I told myself that uni and work were for study and working - not for socialising. I didn't want cliques and social things to get in the way of uni and work. However, this is purely my boundary. There is no law about this.

Today, I am very similar. I go to work to work. 

Hence, I have booked myself in other things where my goal is to socialise and connect with others. In this way, i have a clear goal and can work towards it.

Maybe you've already worked out, I'm a very goal-focused person.

Not sure if what i'm saying makes sense.

Please ask if you have any questions. The last thing I want to do is to confuse you!

[creative_writer]

@tyme i think there is a difference between loneliness and feeling alone. There is always this expectation that we must socialise at uni and workplaces. I think it’s more that I thrive more on deeper than superficial connections. Deeper connections are harder to come by and take time to develop. You don’t always need to talk about the deeper stuff, it’s always different if spend time with someone you trust. At this stage is feel like loneliness is an inevitable part of life. It even feels impossible to not feel lonely.

[creative_writer]

I grew up believing that you can’t rely on people outside your family and parents are too emotionally involved. What are you supposed to do? Suffer in silence? Let it me the end of me?

[Captain24]

I really don’t know the answer @creative_writer .

I can’t rely on people IN my family either. I’m trying to figure this out alone. 
At least we aren’t alone on here. 

[Former-Member]

Morning @creative_writer and @Captain24 ❤️ 

What are you two doing today?

@creative_writer, my parents always talked about family being the only people who would be there forever. And my parents were very distant with me and took things really personally or didn't understand when I did bring them up. 

From the sounds of it and looking back on this convo, do you feel that there isn't anyone around for you to talk to about deep stuff, but that you also want some people to talk about lighter stuff with too?

[Captain24]

I now feel more alone than ever @Former-Member 

[creative_writer]

@Captain24 it’s hard to feel so alone. Maybe it’s part of living with a MI, maybe people who live with MI are more likely to be socially isolated. It all becomes a cycle.

@Former-Member I’ve grown up hearing you can only rely on family. At times I felt like the importance of friendships was also minimised. Studies were considered more important than friendships. Though my parents fall under the overprotective category. I don’t know if this weird, but if I feel like I can talk to someone about deeper stuff, it’s also easier to talk about lighter stuff. It’s like I can be authentic and don’t have to try to hide my pain.