Out of control and so upset with myself.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Little_Leopard 

So much happening.

I am glad @NatureLover connected with you. Both of your posts have been informative.

Glad @tyme words also resonated.

Only addressing a little of this post.

I think if shopping for dinner is your task, the task is sensible and hopefully achievable. A caring task. The family benefit.

If you make it, good. If not, life will go on.

But it appears to be a realistic task.

Maybe you do not have to Love yourself. Maybe accept the different parts. The work on the better message teaching the not as good message. 

Example. One part may so go shopping it is good for all. Other part says it is too cold or too far. Hopefully the better part says to the other, i will go shopping and l will not be cold because l have a jacket!

Another point but not sure if l have this right or not. Do not aim to be Perfect. Perfection is never achievable. We live in a not perfect world. If you think you reach it, you are in trouble. Because we all have flaws. Aim to be the best we can and grow on that.

I wonder why so many people are so hard on themselves. Others pick on us. Why should we? So next time your good side gives you good advice, tell the bad part to give you a rest. Life is hard enough as it is.

[Little_Leopard]

Oh thank you @NatureLover, you are such a lovely understanding person! 

Wow sounds like we have some overlapping things with our mental health. We may have different MH conditions but I sure do feel I can relate to some of your stuff. I also get obsessive compulsive behaviour around safety and plenty of intrusive thoughts. If I was to get assessed by a psychiatrist I would likely meet criteria for a OCD diagnosis. I also pick my skin (any lumps and acne) and I have lots of scarring from it. 
Do you see your MH conditions as a direct result of your childhood trauma?

Im so sorry that you have had to experience childhood trauma. How horrible for you. It’s such a horrible thing to happen to a child. Children are so vulnerable but yet they are the most under represented.

Oh goodness, I’m so sorry that you have had bad and unsafe experiences here in the forums. I hope that it never happens to you again and I cross my fingers that I never have to experience a bad or unsafe experience on the forums. We should all be afforded the right to safety and well-being , free from any discrimination or miss treatment. I am sorry this happened to you here. What ever happened, I wish I could take that experience away from you. Just sounds terrible for you.

Thanks for the heads up about the DID groups. I have looked at some of the DID stuff here but I haven’t found many of them around here who stick around or post much which is understandable. To be honest though, it’s not important for me to specifically meet other DID or cptsd folk.

What is important to me is meeting other people (like yourself) who have lived experience of MH or disability and being in a supportive, kind and compassionate environment. Actually one of the most life changing conversations I had was with someone with a physical disability, isn’t that funny?!  

What has brought the most emotional healing for you on your MH journey?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Little_Leopard 

I am not a moderator but I think you have read something from @NatureLover  wrongly

@NatureLover can reply.

Nature Lover wrote

I actually think dissociation provides a "safe place" for me to escape to and has prevented me from some suicide attempts in the past, but since joining the forums here I've learnt that it's not always a safe place for people and that it can be a big, scary, damaging place where bad things can happen without your knowledge. 

Little Leopard wrote

Oh goodness, I’m so sorry that you have had bad and unsafe experiences here in the forums

I do not read @NatureLover  had unsafe experiences "on this forum". I read it as Nature Lover did not realise the place they were in was unsafe until they saw others situations on this forum and saw their situation was not safe

Happy to be corrected. Not sure how @tyme reads it.

[tyme]

Ahhhh @Former-Member , I get what you are saying. 

I misread things sometimes @Little_Leopard @NatureLover . Actually, it's not so much 'misread', but misinterpret. 

Now that I read the post back, it reads that being in a dissociative state may have been a form of protection, but doesn't mean it is a safe place to be. Correct me if I'm wrong @NatureLover .

Anyway, how are you today @Little_Leopard @Former-Member @NatureLover ?

[Former-Member]

Hi @tyme 

Spot on . Misinterpret and that I may have done.

I just want @Little_Leopard to be aware this is a safe and anonymous forum

I also want to say @NatureLover is a great contributor

Anyway I thought clarity just in case.

It had me thinking. As I say to others, Stop Over Thinking!

All is well here @tyme I hope all is well with U2

[Little_Leopard]

Thanks for your support @Former-Member.

yep just trying to bite things off in small chunks. Thank you for the reminder that not everything I do needs to be perfect. That is actually one of my biggest issues. If things are not perfect then I feel inadequate. Like I’m constantly trying to prove that I am worthy. It’s exhausting. So your message has come at a perfect time. Thank you. 

So with parts we never refer to any of them as “bad”. Each one one them is responsible for the survival of the body at some point and “harsher” parts are also “trauma holders” which means they are the way they are to keep me alive/safe or to serve some kind of important function.

Hmmm I think people are so hard on themselves because of society, stereotypes and because of childhood developmental experiences. It’s a

long process of surrounding yourself with the right kind of people. How have you learn to be compassionate to yourself @Former-Member?

[Little_Leopard]

Oh I do see your point @tyme and @Former-Member. I think you may be right about me misinterpreting. We will have to wait for @NatureLoverto clarifying. Sorry in advance  to @NatureLover  if I have gotten it confused. 

Im good @tyme. I have been learning about self compassion from you and the lovely @Former-Member  & @NatureLover.

It’s almost like there is a little bit of “therapeutic transference” happening where all of your positivity is rubbing off on to me. 

I am ok, about to make dinner. How are you @tyme?

[tyme]

I love being on the forums @Little_Leopard - seeing members grow and progress is so rewarding.

[Little_Leopard]

I agree. The forums are a beautiful place @tyme. It’s the ONLY chat forum I have ever come across where people don’t pile on others and shame and bring people down.  I know what you mean about watching people grow. I have grown so much as a direct result of these forums. The safety and community hear have given me things that I have never experienced before.

there is no ableism here and no harsh judgment that is all over other social media and other social platforms. This is the place for my sanity and support.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Little_Leopard 

I will try the compassionate with myself issue.

We can never ever please others exactly as they want us to. Never. 

My friend has a "soft" nature. Soft. Warm. Not sure the word.

But is so grateful for anything you do.

For me, i am probably a bit more set in ways. So l am trying to me softer. No. The word is more accomadating.

A line l would use if someine says my haircut looks bad I say "that is fine. I do not have to look at it. Only you do"

I was abused for so many years l learnt Sticks and stones can break your bones but names can never hurt me" is not true. Verbal abuse does hurt us.

I learnt we do not get upset by what we see or hear  but we do get upset with what we believe. So do not believe the critics. As slow as we progress, we are only accountable to ourselves. If we only manage a little, that is fine.

But the word in the bible got me through tough times. It is still a daily part ofvmy life. And many have things to keep them anchored.

@Little_Leopard . You are you. If you do not trust and believe in you, it is hard for others to. You sound amazing and capable often enduring at your pace. Stay in your lane. Dont worry about all others. "Many" people have too much emphasis about their needs. We hear it all the time.

So as long as l do my personal best and stay in my line, helping some on their way if they want, i am happy.

Sorry for the book version of my reply