Out of control and so upset with myself.

[tyme]

@Little_Leopard 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Little_Leopard  @Former-Member  @tyme 

I just want to confirm, I haven't had any bad or unsafe experiences here on the forums.

I meant that dissociating has always been a safe space for me to escape to, and still is. But since joining the forums and hearing about others' experiences with dissociating, I have learnt that for other people, dissociating is not always a safe space for them. 

Hope that clarifies things! Thank you for your compassion anyway, @Little_Leopard 🙂

P.S. I've edited my previous post to replace the word "it's" with "dissociation is", as I don't want anyone else to think the forums are an unsafe place.

[NatureLover]

Hi @Little_Leopard , yes my MIs (mental illnesses) are a direct result of my childhood (actually lifelong) trauma. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

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@Little_Leopard wrote:

I also pick my skin (any lumps and acne) and I have lots of scarring from it.

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I have this too, it's been diagnosed in me as Excoriation Disorder. I've done it all my life, since a tiny baby. 

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@Little_Leopard wrote:

What is important to me is meeting other people (like yourself) who have lived experience of MH or disability and being in a supportive, kind and compassionate environment.

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Oh good - you've come to the right place! 🙂

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@Little_Leopard wrote:

What has brought the most emotional healing for you on your MH journey?

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For me it was years and years of therapy, and a validating psychologist who listened to all my childhood trauma and validated it. That gave me the courage at age 47 to stand up to my abusive father and tell him about the lifelong damage he'd done. That is not always recommended, and my psychologist didn't tell me to do it, but it was something I needed to do for myself. 

My father estranged me when I did that, as I knew he would. But I was strong enough by then to be OK with it. And being away from his constant criticism gave me a few years to develop my real self further. Since then he has got back in contact (I'm 51 now) and I see him very occasionally.

Another thing that helped my MH journey was volunteering, which made me new friends as I lost most of my friends during my 3 year nervous breakdown, which I spent in bed.

Another thing that helped was that at the end of those 3 years in bed I got a new psychiatrist who switched my antidepressant to a stronger one, which saved my life, as I'd been constantly suicidal for 3 years (as well as most of my life off and on). That was 17 years ago now, and I've had 2 excellent therapists since then, that psychiatrist, plus my current psychologist when she retired. 

You were so compaasionate to me in your post - thank you. I hope you can turn some of that beautiful compassion onto yourself...

[NatureLover]

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@Former-Member wrote:

I was abused for so many years

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Am very sorry to hear this, @Former-Member  😞

[Former-Member]

Hi @NatureLover 

Thanks for confirming

The good part is it shows @Little_Leopard @tyme and l read All of your post and we all enjoyed it.

Great post to @Little_Leopard 

Thanks for including us all in yout confirmation

See you around supporting others on the forum!

[Former-Member]

Hi @NatureLover 

Our history makes us who we are Today!

Without issues I would not have joined a church and met nice people.

I would not know about Lifeline.

I would not be on Sane.

My history makes who l am today and l have to realise my way of dealing with things does not suit everyone

This forum with inputs by people like you @NatureLover show me the endurance we all take and here we are trying to share wisdom.

A bad stage in my life has drawn me even closer to nice people like many l meet here

[Former-Member]

Hi @NatureLover 

Thanks for sharing.

Wow.

Love your strength and determination.

Volunteering is great too. We get so much out of helping others.

Shifts our perspective.

Great post.

@Little_Leopard started a great post!

[Little_Leopard]

Morning @Former-Member    Happy weekend!

I think you come across as very accommodating, compassionate and very genuine. Just a wonderful honest person to chat to. Thank you. You have been a great buddy!

I like your way of dealing with hostile or rude comments. The analogy you used about your hair “I do not have to look at it. Only you do" is magic. It’s a cleverly way of saying “I’m not the one with the problem, you are”.

Besides my husband and son I who live with me, I don’t have any safe people in my life I can safely be myself around. My in-laws are incredibly emotionally abusive and I only give them a fake shell version on myself in order to protect myself.

I’m still in the process of developing a safe and trusting therapeutic relationship. One of my future goals is to establish safe and healthy relationships! So far these forums have been the best modelling of healthy interactions that I have come across. When you have been violated and your boundaries have been stomped your entire you it’s like you have to literally redefine relationships from scratch.

Im so sorry that you had to endure such terrible abuse in your life , what ever happened to you I’m glad you have come out of it such a wonderful person. Yes! Absolutely, You are right, words do hurt. So does rejection and abandonment. Psychological abuse  way under rated by people who who haven’t been through it.

“I learnt we do not get upset by what we see or hear  but we do get upset with what we believe”. I his is amazing, it used to be true for me. Things people said never use to hurt me but some evil people in my life broke me. They saw my resilience and they broke me. Now I am fragile and they hints get to me. My goal in therapy is to rekindle that part of me so I can me resilient again.

Haha! I love your book version. I appreciate it and it made me very happy to read it, it struck a cord with my heart and really resonated with me.

What are you doing this weekend @Former-Member?

[tyme]

Hey @Little_Leopard ,

How had your day been today?

Cold?

Hope things are kinder for you. 

[Little_Leopard]

Hey @NatureLover 

I am so sorry that your life trauma has caused your MI’s. I, like you, have also experienced lifelong trauma thing. Maybe is not so surprising that our symptomology overlaps and our experiences are relatable.

I bit my nails badly as a baby but started picking my skin as a teenager when my pimples came.

Sounds like you have had some great therapy. I’m only at the beginning on my therapy journey. Still building trust and in the stabilisation phase which is taking a very long time for me.

I can’t say that I’m surprised that your abusive father reacted that way. Isn’t that the way all abusers react when confronted.  It’s a slap in the face so to speak, but it’s expected of this kind of person. Sounds like you knew what to expect though and it was worth it for you. I’m so glad that you were able to take your power back and call him out in his abuse.

I am estranged from all of my biological extended family. I have no contact with blood relatives   (Besides my own child). However I do have some extremely problematic and toxic in-laws who we are working on shaking off. Its gotten to the point that me and my husband realise that we really are better off by ourselves.

I am so sorry for the experience you had with the nervous breakdown. That sounds life shattering, destabilising and very painful. I’m sorry you lost friends as well. It’s sounds like layer upon layer of shitty hard situations for you. It’s so unfair that the trauma in our life follow us around, even into our future adult lives and relationships.

That’s great that you found a psychiatrist who could help you with the right medication. I also found a psychiatrist who was able to accurately diagnose me and put me on the right track to receive the correct type of therapy that I needed for my diagnosis. The right treatment and care really is game changing

Volunteering sounds nice. What volunteer work do you do?

I feel like we have so much in common @NatureLoverwith some of our overlapping symptoms. it’s confirmation to me that trauma does cause these effects to happen. I see it over and over again with us trauma folk. It’s undeniable the similarities and affects trauma has. 

Thanks! You have been wonderful to me also @NatureLover. It has been incredibly comforting to have you chatting with me and sharing your thoughts and life with me. thank you!