Tw Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Just my GP next week for a mental health care plan for a psychologist in Melbourne but like before I said I’m having trouble finding someone. I see my psychologist in 2 weeks time for our last session but after that I’m all alone which scares me. Though he said he will email me if he has found someone I can see for that time being because I guess he doesn’t want me to be all alone. I hopefully move in mid February. @tyme 

[Captain24]

Oh that’s hard @Birdofparadise8. Is there anyone else where your psychologist worked? 

Those constant thoughts are so hard and continually feeling depressed is just so draining. 

Yeah I’m pretty good thanks and work was good. 

[Birdofparadise8]

No there isn’t it’s a clinic the uni runs and it closes on the 15th of December I think till mid February. @Captain24 

Yeah it really is it’s been 5 months of hell. I’ve just continued to get worse and nothing seems to help. My psychologist said today that he thinks I’m coming out of it but I’m definitely not when I’m self harming, feeling suicidal everyday and can’t stop crying most days and always sad. So I’m not really sure where he thinks I’m on the tail end of it. 

[tyme]

It would be a good idea to perhaps work with your GP the next session and come up with a plan about who to contact, call or reach out to if you feel unwell. Planning ahead was certainly essential for me. @Birdofparadise8 .

I used to catastrophise towards the end of the year and this made it worse. One year, my case manager refused to make a referral to the CATT team during dec/jan, when all the other years, I had CATT contact me daily to make sure I was safe. I was so hurt that my case manager refused. I felt she was leaving me to die out there. 

To cut a long story short, not letting me get supported by CATT was a way of saying "You are stronger than you think. You can do it." To this day, I still feel the hurt, but I am also grateful for it.

Now please don't think I'm saying you should be left alone. For me, this happened after years of getting support from CATT. 

However, these are probably some things you can talk to your GP about during your next appointment.

Also, the forums will still be running then too.

[Captain24]

I hate when the day that @Birdofparadise8. I was in a really bad place but had spent the morning out, went to the GP and she thought I was doing well. 

It’s just so hard. It’s really hard work to get through. You have more strength than you realise. I have faith in you. 

I know you hate that you’re crying all the time but it is a good release. I can’t actually cry anymore and haven’t for 2-3 months. 

[Birdofparadise8]

That would be upsetting for you if you have had contact with them for a while and then they won’t help you. Yeah I will do that with the GP it’s a different person as the one I really liked as she was understanding about my MH. So I hope this other doctor will be okay. @tyme 

I did have the appointment with the psychiatrist I think it was through the CATT thing as well, but he just did that appointment and isn’t seeing me again and I’m not getting any support through them. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Thank you @Captain24 

Oh really do you know why you can’t cry? 

So your doctor thought you were okay but you weren’t? 

Mmm it sucks I just wish I would get better but I’m not. Which then just makes me feel worse. I guess that’s just something I need to work on. 

[tyme]

I also flipped from crying ALL THE TIME to not being able to cry - as though I was numb and not feeling anything anymore @Birdofparadise8 @Captain24 .

All the best with your appointment. We can talk more about it closer to the time? I'm here if you need support in any way.

I thought I should also let you know that I'm heading off soon and hitting the sack. See if I feel better tomorrow 🙂

Hugs to both of you. I get so much out of chatting with you 🙂

[Birdofparadise8]

Really from feeling numb? Or are you on medication because I hear that apparently that can make you not cry. 

That would be great thank you @tyme 

Yeah I’m going to bed soon as well I have work tomorrow so I hope it might make me feel someone alright. 

I really appreciate being able to talk to you as well @tyme. 

[Captain24]

I went numb for a while and since then I can’t even cry in sad movies. I’m a sook and cry at ads! @Birdofparadise8 I don’t know if it’s one of the multiple medications I’m on.

Yeah she made my next appointment for 2 weeks instead of the one. But I had my nurse so it was all good. The GP has me back to weekly depending on my work roster. But at the moment I have to have weekly blood tests until the new mood stabiliser reaches the right level. So she is adjusting the dose weekly. 

Im heading off to bed as I’m not feeling to good. I think I’m reacting to one of my meds or all combined I don’t know. 

Have a good night and sleep well I hope the next few days are better for you. I have nightshift for the next 3 nights so I won’t be on much