I can’t cope

[tyme]

Fair enough @Captain24 . I guess the nature of MH is unpredictable. I hope you find ways to self-soothe and engage in positive self-talk so that the negativity does not become ingrained.

[Captain24]

I have fallen deeply @tyme. and I feel very close to being in trouble. 

[tyme]

Let me check-in with you via email @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I hate myself. 

[Owlunar]

That's not good @Captain24 - hating yourself is not a pleasant thought to have - but it's an honest one.

I picked up that it's not something you can talk about - or maybe you just can't share for other reasons,

Hating yourself - though - must be horrible. Someone must have given you a hard time to wreck your self-esteem - either recently or sometime in the past.

Would you be able to talk about that?

Owlunar

[Captain24]

Hi @Owlunar 

I don’t think we have meet before. 

Honestly I have no self esteem and very little sense of worth. The level vary occasionally. 

Where did this come from? it’s my own fault. I’m pretty sensitive and I take what people say to heart. So when I’m told I’m not good enough, not worth the time, not wanted etc. I take it on board and that’s all I hear. 

So you see it is my fault I need to not listen to what people say. But it is hard. 

Thanks for asking.

I hope you are found well? 

[creative_writer]

@Captain24, I don’t think it’s right to blame yourself for caring about what other people think. I think it’s part of being human to care. I think you have the potential to improve your self worth and once you are able to, their opinions might not sting as much.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Captain24 

Poor self-esteem can start in childhood - if we consistently fail to live up to other people's expectations - which can be unrealistic for our age or abilities - then the idea that we are not good enough can imprint onto our brain and that takes a lot of effort and self-awareness to overcome.

When we are adults and people are critical - possibly the same ones who gave us a hard time when we were little and vulnerable - the of course we listen to those messages and our unconscious mind says: "Ha! - I know it all the time. I'm not good enough".

But it is not the truth - it takes time and effort to overcome the past - we have no control over what we were like as children or how we have reacted until we knew better - however - the good news is that we are able to tell ourselves that we are okay - we are worthy - we can achieve - we are important.

I'm not a psychologist - I have had the opportunity to pick up some relevant information on my way through life. My mother was constantly critical of me all my life - luckily I had support from other members of my family who gave me a better opinion of myself.

I believe it's important to find a therapist to help you find that better part of yourself rather than just hating yourself - which is actually the easier way to listen to your internal dialogue. Changing that is hard work - people here will help - I hope I have given you an idea of a better path.

It won't be easy - I hope you can see a better way to live and be the Captain of your own life.

Owlunar

[Captain24]

Thanks @Owlunar 

I have a therapist and we are about to start working on my inner voice. We have done a little work but it’s quite obvious I have a long way to go. 

My biggest critics are my parents. I’m currently on holidays with them as we have come to the coast to see my brother. It makes it so much harder. 

I have realised with the help

of others on here that I have outgrown the child that they think I still am. I am trying to not let them have full control of me. I am telling my self that I am stronger than that. 

Thanks for you advice, I just want you to know that I’m listeningZ 

[Captain24]

I’m just a failure. I have had enough. I’m so sorry. I guess I am safe but really wish I wasn’t