I can’t cope

[Captain24]

We’re here for you @Shaz51 and will support you all the way through this. 

@tyme I just read last nights reply. It’s interesting that you still have the thoughts and urges. Last night was the first time and I knew I wouldn’t act on them. You are helping me make sense of some of this disaster. I can’t tell you enough how much the support on here is helping me. 

I did try telling myself, today, that I am strong and I am resilient but I couldn’t convince myself. 

[tyme]

I think that inner urge is always there @Captain24  - I think when we grow accustomed to listening to that voice, we give in to the urge. I've subdued that voice to be background noise now. I don't dwell on them - anymore. 

In the past, the more I tried to 'get rid of' the urges, the stronger they became. When I learnt that it's okay to have them, I was able to accept that that's a part of my condition. So these urges don't bother me at all.

And yes, you are strong. You are resilient. There is a superpower in you each of us that we need to find and bring out.

Hope your work was and will be okay.

tyme

[tyme]

I hope you have a good rest @Shaz51 - I won't see you tomorrow, but I'll be on later in the week. If you tag me, I won't miss your posts 🙂

Please take care, tyme

[Captain24]

I must have look silly @tyme . I was driving along saying it out loud but I couldn’t erase what happened. I have let it get to me but not get me completely down. So I’m a little bit stronger than before. 

I will try and accept the urges and thoughts as fleeting moments instead of focusing on them. 

I will use tomorrow to pull myself back together before I go back tomorrow night. 

[tyme]

And the other option I've mentioned to someone else before is that I divert the urges and thoughts to something trivial @Captain24 . This way, my brain learns to associate these thoughts/urges with something trivial. I'm not saying the situation is trivial, but it is a sort of 'brain game' that I found works.

So when I get these thoughts, I 'park' a pink ice-cream van into the middle of the thought - other people choose other things. But I have found a Pink Mr Whippy van works for me because I related it to carefree childhood, fun and laughter. Some people sing their thoughts away using a silly tune.

Do what works for you. Our brains are very flexible. We can train it to work the way we want. Instead of teaching our brains to associate a certain thought with a SH behaviour, we can associate it with something else.

This is only a strategy. Please don't think I saying that any of what is happening for you is trivial or petty, at all.

This was a strategy i worked on with my therapist. I've also read about it somewhere, but I'm not sure of the name of it.

tyme

[Captain24]

That’s interesting @tyme. I might try that for the next few days. I just need to find something.

I think the next few weeks might get a little tough when I stop taking meds on Thursday. I’m thinking of it as the last month of meds has enabled me to learn a lot and gain some insight and have finally stabilised me. Im thinking I can keep doing it with out them. Positive thinking! The therapist and MH nurse have both asked me how much sick leave I have and if I know what to do in a crisis so that has me a little concerned. I am pushing that to the back of my mind though!

Hope you have a good sleep and a good few days off! 

💕

[tyme]

@Captain24 - "Stop taking meds"? What do you mean? I thought you just started your meds, or were you beginning other meds...

Don't get too concerned with what the MH nurse and therapist have said about sick leave etc. It is more about being proactive. It is good to have a plan in place. It's like a fire drill. Having the drill doesn't mean there's a fire. It's about knowing what to do IF there is one. A fire drill or emergency plan doesn't make a fire more probable.... hope this makes sense.

A plan is there for safety, and should be regularly revisited for when and IF you need it 🙂

[Captain24]

The psychiatrist said I was to take the anti-psychotic’s for a month then go off them for a month. I see her again after the month of being off them. Im just starting to feel really good too @tyme . 
Today was only a minor blip. 

I like the fire drill analogy. You’re good at them! That gives me a little comfort! 

[StuF]

Hey @Shaz51 

Sorry I missed all this discussion yesterday.

Great that you got your hair done 🙂

And that you got to see your mum, even if she wasn't the best; at least you got to express your love through some pampering and it sounds like it helped her a bit.

Crying is good for you. Sometimes 'keeping it together' isn't the best strategy. You are so strong and compassionate and wonderful but even you are human x

My thoughts are with you, your mum and Mr shaz

[Former-Member]

Hey @Shaz51, I'm sorry you're finding it hard to move forward ❤️ It sounds like you had a really beautiful time with your mum, and helped her to feel a bit better. And I'm glad you got some you-time in there too. We know you know how important it is ❤️ 

But it sounds like it's been hard to see this recent change. 

We're all thinking of you ❤️ 

You've moved forward through so much change already, but it's ok to take this one a bit slower. How are you doing today? 

Big hugs,

TuxedoCat