Lived Experience Forum

[ThatGuyBPD]

Since my diagnosis I've had alot to digest. Learning why I was always a bit different started to make sense, but left me with more questions than answers. It's been over a year since therapy debt, and I have been trying to improve in ways I know I can stick to. Exercising regularly was the goal and so far stuck to it, so I am proud of that. Eventually though I get stuck with my thoughts again, and the cycle seems to continue. I've had some time to think, and I've made an oath to stay away from relationships on the whole. But still can't help but feel lonely, and that I'm a burden on my family. I feel like a living contradiction, I see the things I do wrong. But too much of a coward to change them. I need a job for sure, but who knows which version of me you will get each day. So this seems like quite a gamble. Confusing rant over

[tyme]

Hey @ThatGuyBPD ! 

Welcome to the forums! Great to have a fellow borderline here 🙂 

I can certainly relate to your experiences. I too, am a borderline..

Geez... my life was all over the shop!

I'll check-in and hang out with you here tomorrow?

[ThatGuyBPD]

Appreciate your response 

[MermaidHair]

Hey there @ThatGuyBPD,

Your rant wasn't confusing or ranty at all, it was very insightful! I completely hear you with both feeling the relief of your diagnosis for making sense of everything for you, but also feeling like it complicates everything permanently, I have felt that too.

I know what it's like to feel like you don't know what you're going to get one day to the next and like you have little control over it, you just watch it happen. It definitely makes long term prospects like employment, friendships and relationships seem like a risk and out of reach. It can happen for you though, it sounds like you're really aware and working towards things, you just feel a bit uncertain which is normal!

Are you still doing therapy or engaging in any dbt support groups? 

You're not a burden or a coward, things are just actually hard sometimes, you've got this 🙏

[ThatGuyBPD]

Sorry it's suppose to be therapy DBT not debt sorry for confusion

[ThatGuyBPD]

I appreciate your kind words, I did an intense 6 months of DBT which was really helpful. I've struggled with independent therapists never really feeling comfortable or that they even care to be quite blunt. I struggle being independent which at 35, leaves me feeling inadequate to say the least. I mention this cause, I tend to isolate way too much. Sometimes I struggle to shake that burden feeling even when it comes to therapy 

[ThatGuyBPD]

But I do fear the slippery slope, as of recent I'm isolating more. And feeling quite dissociated. Spent most of the day staring at the ceiling.

[tyme]

Hey @ThatGuyBPD ,

Recovery is never too late. I didn't get into proper treatment until I was about 33. Please don't think it's too late.

Changes were made very suddenly for me. It was as though I struggled for over a decade, then when recovery started, it just zoomed.

Practicing DBT skills is certainly very helpful. ACT is also helpful too. Help people learn to sit with unpleasantness.

How you travelling today anyway?

[ThatGuyBPD]

I'm doing okay today, I at least went out for my hike which was something. Still feeling very flat on the whole, but trying my best to crawl forward. I just have a dissociative moment like last night, after being quite down for sometime. Then it takes me some time to shake of all the confusion, just to get back to an even keel.

[ThatGuyBPD]

I hope my response has found you in good health and having a good day.