Peer Group Chat // Setting Boundaries // Thursday 17th October 2024, 7-8:30PM AEDT

[tyme]

On Thursday 17th October 2024, we will be holding a Peer Group Chat on the topic of Setting Boundaries.

Boundaries look different for each of us and these boundaries can change. How important really are boundaries? How do we set and stick to healthy boundaries? Let’s meet together to talk all things boundaries!

This is currently held in Australian Eastern Daylight Time hours. The event start times across Australia are below:

WA: 4pm

NT: 5:30pm

SA: 6:30pm 

QLD: 6pm

NSW, ACT, VIC & TAS: 7pm

For anyone unfamiliar with Peer Group Chats, each focuses on a specific topic and is guided by Peer Workers with lived experience of mental health issues and recovery, &/or caring for someone with complex mental health. It is a space for us as peers to share our stories and experiences, and connect with those who are going through something similar. 

Peer Group Chats are hosted outside of the forums, using a platform called Chatwee. To join an Online Peer Group Chat, you will need to register for an account with Chatwee. On the night, follow this link and log in to your Chatwee account before the group starts.

Please see this FAQ for any questions you may have. For any issues on the night, please message the moderator of the group on the Chat platform. If you'd like to receive a reminder closer to the event, please support this post & we'll keep you updated.

@Jacques @Squishy @Andarna @Macqua @Ainjoule @7cough9 @Shaz51 @Glisten @Alonely @ENKELI @Patches59 @Oaktree @WildFlower1 @Healandlove @Who-Knows @cam @Captain24 @MJG017 @GreyWolf7 @MessyGirl @balance37 @Loner57 @Snowie @Alice10 @Cleo2 @Cle0 @Louie333 @Shift83 @monket @Krishna 

Tagging new members:

@Opmpk @Lizzyloo @Nj03 @CuriousCrypt @PlainJane @Petal3 @OccasionalLeaf @Anzie94 @SelectiveHearin @telemagenta 

[Glisten]

Setting Boundaries 👏🏼 It’s a skill 

 

[MJG017]

I may be able to attend this one.  We'll see how I go.

[tyme]

Sure is @Glisten !

I feel it's one that needs to be taught as well. It may not necessarily be one that people 'just learn'....

@MJG017 , we'd love to have you 🙂

[Glisten]

Too right @tyme there is tone, delivery, what words to use for what type of Boundary.

There is a lot of bad information on Boundaries.

You can get yourself into a pickle and create a problem for yourself if it isn’t done correctly or done well.

I’ll forgotten everything I’ve read on Boundaries.

Living alone so long I don’t communicate effectively.

G

[MJG017]

@Glisten @tyme I rhink being calm and as non-confrontational as possible is a good start.

[Alonely]

Sounds like a great topic!

Hoping to be there tonight after missing a few weeks 🙂

[Snowie]

Such a hard and sometimes confusing topic @tyme I find that boundaries can change with each person and each situation too, so you are not only dealing with it as a one off.

Hoping that I can attend tonight.

[tyme]

Hey folks!

We are about to start our chat in 10 mins or so. See you over there:

Peer Group Chats are hosted outside of the forums, using a platform called Chatwee. To join an Online Peer Group Chat, you will need to register for an account with Chatwee. On the night, follow this link and log in to your Chatwee account before the group starts.

Please see this FAQ for any questions you may have. For any issues on the night, please message the moderator of the group on the Chat platform. If you'd like to receive a reminder closer to the event, please support this post & we'll keep you updated.

@Jacques @Squishy @Andarna @Macqua @Ainjoule @7cough9 @Shaz51 @Glisten @Alonely @ENKELI @Patches59 @Oaktree @WildFlower1 @Healandlove @Who-Knows @cam @Captain24 @MJG017 @GreyWolf7 @MessyGirl @balance37 @Loner57 @Snowie @Alice10 @Cleo2 @Cle0 @Louie333 @Shift83 @monket @Krishna 

Tagging new members:

@Opmpk @Lizzyloo @Nj03 @CuriousCrypt @PlainJane @Petal3 @OccasionalLeaf @Anzie94 @SelectiveHearin @telemagenta @Billie32 @WATTEURS @TotallySane08 @thebowerburg @Jaila @Weird_lil_angel @TechAndRice 

[tyme]

Thanks to all who joined for this incredible chat tonight! @Snowie @Alonely @MJG017 @Glisten @ENKELI @7cough9 @Patches59 @Louie333 @bluesky @Captain24 @Oaktree @Shaz51 @Ainjoule @Healandlove @Cleo2 @Juniper @GreyWolf7 

Feel free to continue the conversation here.

Here are tonight's questions with some quotes from members:

Q1: What can boundaries look like in our daily lives?  "Okay so healthy boundaries are essential for healthy relationships because they actually prevent resentment building between the parties to relationship by ensuring everyone feels respected and heard.  A good boundary is something you enforce. So you might have a boundary in a relationship that you wont tolerate being put down by name calling, yelling, or passive aggression. You then enforce that boundary lovingly by stopping conversations when those things are occurring (either by you or someone else), observing that it has occurred, describing the tension/feelings, and taking action - so it might look like "I am feeling the urge to yell. I don't feel like I am being heard and understood. This convo is important to me, but I need to take a break. I am going to step away npd come back in (x) mins. When we come back, I would appreciate it if you would be willing to listen while I try to communicate my view to you again".

Q2: What are some healthy boundaries you’ve experienced?

Q3: What can ‘unhealthy’ boundaries look like?  "Unhealthy boundaries has two meanings. One where you actually don't have any boundaries (always people pleasing for example). The other meaning is when you misuse boundaries to avoid taking accountability. So for example you cock up, the other person gets angry about your behaviour, and rather than accepting that as a consequence of your behaviour, you use 'therapy speak' about boundaries to make yourself the victim."

Q4: How can you tell if a boundary is ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’?  Healthy = 2 way street, unhealthy = 1 sided  “Check the facts” skill

Q5: What can happen if we don’t have boundaries?  "I struggle with communicating a need when I am in the headspace of blaming myself for having had the need in the first place, so I tend to abandon my needs. Then they creep out in other ways. So when my husband was controlling our finances, and I couldn't tolerate the ongoing conflict about spending money and it oozed out into other impulsive behaviour. With hindsight that was ridiculous. But that was my inability to just say, I need this, I am buying this." Self-abandonment

Q6: We can often find it hard to set boundaries. What are some strategies to support effective boundary-setting?  "A list of "warning behaviours". I know if these behaviours are turning up, I have probably neglected myself.   A list of commitments to myself about what I will no longer tolerate from myself or others eg yelling, physical altercations, refusing to apologise   Really working on self compassion, because just because I have fucked up in the past, doesn't mean I deserve absolutely nothing in the present."

Q7: What are ways we can stick to the boundaries we have set?

Q8: What are some helpful boundary-setting phrases we can walk away with tonight?  I’m not able to do that at the moment.  No, thank you.  This is not something I want to talk about at the moment.  Even though I'm having a wonderful time, my social battery has died and I need to leave. I know you're struggling to control your anger, but I don't deserve this treatment. I will no longer continue to converse with you whilst you are heightened. Ugh I feel so crappy I should go to my fav impulse shopping website! No wait, I shouldn't do that, I will focus my attention somewhere else as I try to cope with these feelings. hear how important this is to you, AND I am still not able to (insert request). I am sorry if that upsets you.  I'm practicing setting boundaries, please bear with me as I find what works!  I can’t give you an answer right now, I will call you back after I have thought about it

Here are some further resources we recommend having a look at:  1 SANE: How to set boundaries with someone you love: https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/the-sane-blog/wellbeing/boundaries-for-carers?highlig...  2 SANE: Boundary-setting and mental illness: https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/the-sane-blog/caring-for-others/boundary-setting-and-...  3 Relationships Australia: Setting Healthy Boundaries: https://www.relationshipsvictoria.org.au/news/setting-healthy-boundaries-230328/?gad_source=1&gclid=...