Ending dating because of compatibility issues

[AnnoyedSheDevil]

I recently started dating again after the breakdown of a long term, and in hindsight extremely toxic, relationship.

I am apprehensive though because while the man I'm dating is sweet, he is also showing signs of toxic mindsets and I have enough trauma just from my last relationship.

I have just been diagnosed with C-ptsd after decades of struggling with my mental health, I'm nearly 33.

I stupidly thought that dating could be healthy for me, but over the past week I've cried 3 times. His beliefs are warped and could cause major issues in the long run, mistrust or blatant refusal of science isn't just the antithesis of my core beliefs: it could be harmful to my health.

In my previous relationship my ex did no research, didn't listen to my explanations or read any of the research I'd found, and frequently made excuses about his ignorance while never putting in efforts to learn.

I had to explain depression to him multiple times, only to have him cry to me at the very end of our 11 relationship about how depressed he was due to medical issues he was having. And this was after an angry phone call, when he ranted at me that I should "end" myself.

So I am definitely not looking to repeat history and am going to let this man know I don't think we are compatible.

I just hope he takes  it well.

[RiverSeal]

Hey @AnnoyedSheDevil, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

Sounds like you have been through a lot with your relationship and have made a brave decision to end this new one, as you are not compatible. Very courageous decision!

I encourage you to continue to share your experiences with the community!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[AlwaysMyself]

Hi @AnnoyedSheDevil ,

Sounds like you have had some negative experiences with relationships in the past, and sounds like this current person is not meeting your needs and values in a relationship either.

I like that you have the wisdom and insight to notice the behaviours and attitudes that are not compatible with you early on, and the courage to end relationships that are not healthy for you.

I hope the conversation with him goes well - feel free to let me know either way.

I'm curious why you don't think "dating could be healthy" for yourself. Is that due to the stage of processing cPTSD-related difficulties? Or something else?

[WaveGoodNight]

Hi @AnnoyedSheDevil thanks for sharing.

Firstly know you true worth, only let people in who are truly worth your time. You don't need to date as much as you need to find great friends, ideally male friends 

You need to understand there are plenty of wonderful understanding, caring people who will not judge, are not looking for a relationship and a just genuine good people with boundaries and understanding.

You already know the signs and it's best to step away from your current relationship while you can..

it may not be easy to find male friends but currently any friend will do, people who are present and will not make you nervous.

Hopefully dating with a genuine guy might come down the track but for now make it about you and you only.

Take care and I wish you all the best and may you connect with the right people soon.