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Looking after ourselves

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

hello @Mrsjones , @Darcy , @Sophie1 , @SleepyDad , @Sherry 

today but to work

Mr shaz having anxiety all day ,

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hi @Shaz51 ... hope your evening was relaxing and you are sleeping well now ...

I think this time of year is primed for anxiety more so than other times due to family celebrations, expectations - imagined and real and memories of better times or 'what could have / should have been' thoughts ...


MsS has massive anxiety anticipating Christmas, family visiting us Pre Christmas and staying with us next two weeks and then four days of Christmas celebrations in a row at other people's houses all over the place geographically but all in state thank goodness ... 


Hope Mr Shaz and everyone else's loved ones will travel ok thru the silliest month of the year ! @Darcy @Sherry @Mrsjones @SleepyDad  @Determined @Smc @outlander 

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hi everyone,

sorry for the radio silence. Definitely a hectic time of year at the best of times.

Four days in a row @Sophie1 !? And here I am fortifying myself for just the one.

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

hugs @Sophie1 Heart

hello @Darcy , @SleepyDad , @Mrsjones , @Sherry , @Determined 

busy day today

how has your day been xxx

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hi @Shaz51 @Darcy @SleepyDad @Mrsjones @Sherry 


today was exhausting - MsS had such a bad migraine episode I had to stay home monitor her and then take her to her gp for an injection and stronger meds ... she really tried to control it without hassling me bit eventually she called it as needing gp ... so I only got 3 hrs work done then spent rest of day running around with MsS and also welcoming a couple of 18 yr old nieces of ours  from interstate who are staying with us for just over a week ... now I'm exhausted and had to cancel my cello lesson again - can't even fathom driving to the lesson ... top it off my hip is aching ... so now I try to sleep a couple of hours before the nieces will want to be picked up from train station .... I feel guilt about only 3 hrs work - I'll have to catch up tomorrow too tired now ... how is everyone else ???

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

@Shaz51 @Darcy @Sophie1 @SleepyDad it really is a tricky time of year isn't it? I'm a bit of an introvert at the best of times so I try to keep things calm for my own sake. I can't remember whose suggestion it was but keeping weekends to one social engagement at a time really works! Ms J has been able to talk about this time of year being a major trigger for down cycles so I'm just bracing myself!

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Mr Darcy said he wouldn't be doing any Christmas cards 🎄and then proceeded to write out a stack to give to people but digging his heels in about posting any. 📮 


Thinking especially of @Determined at this time too.  Expressions of grief possible which might be disguised as anger ⛈️.

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Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hi everyone

Seeking your experience/advice.  My partner has a MI that is exacerbated via his aggressive outbursts.  These can take the shape of extreme verbal abuse, intimidation and has on occasion resulted in physical violence.  His is aware of the impact of his MI on me, but because he seems to go into some kind of "other place" during an episode he is unable to remember how bad it was.  It may be his way of coping by not letting the stress in on what has happened.  In all other ways he is trying desperately to ensure that his MH is his primary focus.  He has a good psych/medical team around him, we have reduced stress to minimal and we are tryng to identify the triggers to reduce the episodes.  


What I have noticed is that an episode is an extreme outpouring of emotion.  Its almost as if he has been pushed to his abolute limit and then the dam wall bursts.  Once it is over, he is calm.  In a dark place but I can tell its almost a sense of relief for him.  The issue is this.  My adult children have experienced these episodes and are concerned for my safety and they no longer want anything to do with my partner and they want me to leave.  I have built a life with him, I am hoping against all hope that things will get better and I do see times when he is in control - sad and not the person I once knew - but in control.  I am torn between my children, who I love deeply and can not image them not being in my life (we are starting to drift apart as their partners dont want anything to do with us) and my partner who I love deeply and can not image him not being in my life.


I have had to reduce all my expectations of him.  That is hard in this day when there are so many roles, commitments and the pace of life.  And I can no longer talk to him as my partner.  I do forget this sometimes (I am an extrovert) which can then lead to an episode.  I am learning as we go what his triggers are and keep reminding myself not to expect ANYTHING from him at this time.  The difficulty here is that I am the only one that seems to wear the brunt of this behaviour, unless someone else is in our house.  He is the sort of man who is extremely generous, gives everything, says yes to everything and then explodes because it is to much.  


He loves my children as if they were his own and their relationship independant of me used to be so lovely.  He has no friends now as while he was well and generous everyone was around.  Now he can not be and they dont understand, they have left. He is feeling very hurt, alone and isolated that they are shutting him out.  


Sorry this post is a bit jumbled, but I needed to get it out.



Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hello @Aidez welcome to our community and thank you for posting Heart You are not alone, and have come to a safe space where many of our members will have some insight and support to share with you.


I am so sorry to hear about your partner's mental health challenges, as well as the heaviness you are carrying alongside. Initially, I am wondering if your partner has a particular diagnosis? I think a really good option would be to see if you can encourage him to engage in family therapy with you, it's incredible the difference a third party who has a completely objective view of the situation can have on both people Heart 


Regardless of mental health challenges, physical violence is never okay. Are you safe right now? I would recommend giving our help centre a call or webchat, they open at 10am - the number is 1800 18 7263. In addition you could chat to 1800 Respect, both completely confidential services that may have some good strategies and advice.


In addition, our community is here Heart We will always listen. It sounds like your kids are really concerned, I am sorry to hear too they are now isolated from him. Keen to hear more, hopefully some of our community members can chime in with some ideas. Speak soon @Aidez 


Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Just confirming - yes I am safe.  

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