Trying makes it worse

[Appleblossom]

@EternalFlower 

I said i did a little decluttering, which is a LONG WAY from being a FAN of it. ha ha.

Good to hear from you, and read your insights. Your insights are valuable for your therapy.  Hmmm curious about getting all the files.  I was actually upset once when a nice psychologist said in a report that she had given me lots of tools for life, and I told her she had not given me anything.  Then she gave me a token 3 page handout about communication.  There is a need to keep them honest.  

Also hearing you about good moments and rapport.  They can be a huge help.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom a little decluttering is awesome! 

Ewww and so typical and non curious to give someone a handout when they raise concerns.

I had a clinical report written that I didn't not agree with. A peer worker and I wrote a little page of my response and needs to the report.

I asked cm if we could attach it to the report

I grt " pt is fixated on report and doesn't understand how reports work."

Cm was mean and didn't listen. Not my issue, really.

I'm trying to take Ur advice and wrap up warm in good clothes !!

Still coughing a lot. Hope u guys are warm @Appleblossom @TAB @maddison 

[TAB]

Hope cm problem is Old cm @EternalFlower ? Anyhoo . Enjoy your day whatever you do. Find some sun? Just off for walk here 

[EternalFlower]

Thanks @TAB yup. New one is nice! Haven't met him too many times but he's good.

Looking forward to a little bit of sun on the weekend. I've been indoors a lot 😳 

Too cool outside. 

I don't mind sometimes sitting in a big coat outside

How have Ur walks been?

[TAB]

Not been walking much @EternalFlower  hurt ankles with new shoes and holes in socks

today first time in a week. Dift footwear. Ie thongs lol  

[EternalFlower]

Hi @TAB was that uncomfortable?

Hope ur OK...

New cm called today...awesome guy!!! He first explained why he hadn't called me back for a few days which I found genuine and helpful.

My psychiatrist thinks it was really the bad cm that held me back. Reading the case notes I felt like she did nothing but malign and criticise. Ok I have problems, is putting me down really of any benefit? Ick.

I hope u grt some good sneakers, @TAB ? Is there a kind of footware u like best for walking?

I'm still a bit sick but think mostly past it, had flu symptoms and felt so drained. Like I didn't have energy ans a bit of a hoarse voice.

I've felt quite bad with SI (hope the abbreviation is ok). Out of nowhere felt everything was too much.

I feel like without family support life is so hard.

My family disowned me virtually when I got unwell and my parents are controlling. I'm always wrong ans they think I'm like a broken toy to be returned to the shop.

There is a book by (Queen) Oprah and Bruce Perry, called "what happened to you?"

It's about shifting the blame from traumatised ppl.

Instead of asking what's wrong with u??

Can we ask instead what happened to u?

This makes sense to me. Usually layers of pain and memory underneath so called ill behaviour, like isolating or crying or etc.

Anyway sorry for the dark post. Sending hugs to all, I'm with u.

@TAB @Appleblossom @tyme @Freedom11 @Eve7 @maddison 

[tyme]

Hey @EternalFlower ,

I'm sorry you had such a bad pairing with a cm who obviously wasn't going to be of any help to you. 

I'm glad you have persisted and advocated for yourself. It's good to know you now have an 'awesome' guy 🙂

Kudos to you,

tyme

[EternalFlower]

Thanks @tyme I really wasnt asking much, just respect, dignity and to be seen as worthy and someone who has insight into my condition.

New cm provides that which is precious

I went through a lot with cm and having read her notes on me feel she interpreted any request, need, or worry as me being difficult,

It is a shame, because we all need someone to lean on at times, this is not difficult.

Service acknowledged I needed someone new. So I advocated for change and saw it, which is rare for me. I hope we can all get our needs heard in services. It's not too much to ask.

[tyme]

You deserve it @EternalFlower  🙂

And yes, you do deserve to be seen as a human... not a 'case number'

[maddison]

Hey @EternalFlower how are you?

Sounds like things have been good & not so much.

I have been reading along, not feeling like 'talking.'

You know when you are at a gathering, & some people are very loud & communicative, whilst others sit back, listening & don't talk much? That's who I kind of feel like I am at the moment! Im reading along, thinking in my head that I'm part of the discussion, except I'm forgetting to talk!! 

I don't have the gift of the gab as some people do. 

Or I go through different personality phases. Do you find that? Like some days I feel totally sure if myself, funny outgoing. Other days, I question things & feel kind of flat. One moment I look in the mirror & I look nice, the next moment the opposite?! It's peculiar to me that things change. Not often fundamentally, but the mood, or perceptions change. I think it happens to everyone. We are basically the same person but maybe having a bad hair day!

Yes, it's been really cold lately. Have you done a covid test? Hope your are feeling better soon. It must be difficult at times, living on your own. (I'm reading along!& being silent company!).

Do you prefer summer or winter?

Congratulations on decluttering. I'm giving you 5 gold stars in my mind. I'm proud & very envious that you managed that awesome feat! What a huge weight lifted. I must get there.

How terrible to hear that your family disowned you. I'm sorry you have to go through all that. I know the feeling of not having family support. It can be really tough. Mine have been out of my life for for decade+. I know for me, it did get easier over the years. I became more clear in who I was, something I doubt would have been achievable if I'd continued contact. I think, generally our minds are really good at adapting to circumstances (it's the acceptance part that's a pain the butt) Once my mind had learned that leaning on my family for support was not an option, I began utilising & trialling inner resources that hadn't really been properly explored before. 

Yep, many times it was too much & too overwhelming (& still is). I experience(d) feelings of resentment towards them & felt like 'why should I even bother' about most things in life in general.

A little piece of my heart might forever be broken? 

I really like me. I really like the life that I chose for myself.

I see that in you.

Thanks for tagging me xxoo