Lived Experience Forum

[Lilaca]

When you try to stop the voices in your head, do you receive violent physical/psychic attack on your body (eg. dizziness/fainting spell, sharp needles piercing through your body or seizures)?

Do you also hear voices from people you know when they are not there and later they would tell you the exact same thing in person or via email? These are personal details that I shouldn't have known initally, not just random information.

Do you have recurring dreams/nightmares that come true? 

I am yet to be diagnosed, but just trying to figure out what when wrong. If you experienced something similar, please share your story.

Much appreciated!

[greenpea]

@Lilaca  Hi Lilaca and welcome to the forums. I have schizoaffective disorder which is schizophrenia with a mood disorder. Before I was properly medicated I would attack my own body (hard to explain but was compelled to by my 'boyfriend' voice). I would have dreams which were recurring and verging on delusional as they were so intense.  They would wake me up and have me sitting up in my bed where I had 3 men infront of me talking to me through their minds and telling me what to do as I sat in my bed. It was scary to say the least .... I would run around the house checking for microphones as I thought the house was bugged due to the voices I was hearing.

The fact that you can talk about it is a good thing. It has taken me a long time to be able to remember and talk about what happened to me as my mind was so shattered by the experience. From what you have written I would strongly suggest you go to your gp and get a referral to a good psychiatrist for help. As for medications even though I hate taking them they have saved my sanity and life dont be afaid of them. If you want to talk further with myself or anyone else on the forums put a @ in front of their names like I did for you and that will send a notification to them of your post Take care. greenpeax

[Appleblossom]

I have found it very difficult to directly stop any thoughts or feelings I have experienced.  @Lilaca 

Most things that have worked have been by the gently Bently approach ... but it takes ... ahhh ... so much time.

Take Care

[Lilaca]

@greenpea 

Thank your for your kind reply! It's good to hear your experience, some times things would get too real but it's mostly just delusional. I need to be reminded of this often. Can I ask how did it start for you? Did medication eventually stop the voices? 

In my case, it would start with a traumatising event after which I would begin hear voices too which I initially thought was telepathy 😄 but realized it's probably just hallucination. Whenever I would try to stop the voices, my body would be pierced relentlessly from the inside of my body which was very painful and at some point, it would end in seizure and unconsciousness. There was a time when I thought I might be attacked by ghosts or bad magic. I did a through check up with the gp and the results turned out to be ok. Brain scan was ok; no epilepsy either.

After some 3 years, the voices were still there. I was planning to see a psychologist soon once the lockdown restriction is lifted. I found it difficult to talk to them as most times as my experience is just not normal. Though I certainly hope it will be gone soon.

Thanks again!

[Lilaca]

@ Appleblossom

Thank you for your kind reply! I appreciate you sharing your experience.

It's definitely not easy to stop the voices. It seems as if I have a backlash whenever I tried to intentionally stop the voices. My body would be stabbed mercilessly from the inside and it would hurt so much I would end in seizures and unconsciousness. I wouldn't know why my body would react in such a way with the 'piercing'. It wasn't me doing it and it wasn't an illness from the body either. It's the body's reaction whenever I tried to stop the voice. But I understand everyone has different experiences.

May I ask what trigger you to start hearing voices?

Thanks again!

[Everan]

Hi @Lilaca read your post and thought i could share. I have voices for the last 12 year and have girlfriend voices like @greenpea which i found interesting and a man. Hello @Appleblossom  too!

They have seemed to be incorporated into my thinking. It has taken a lot of experimentation with medication to put them more in the background which is a big thing.

I get angry occassionally with them but i generally have come to accept them. I haven't tried to get rid of them and haven't experienced any physical effects. I have been told to ignore them but it hasn't really helped. I try to reason with them and make better decisions.

[Appleblossom]

I have not heard voices in the classical psychiatric manner.  Nor have I heard voices in the classical religious ecstatic manner.

@Lilaca 

I have a long term interest in psychiatry and language and music and just being alive.  I was referring more to thoughts than "voices".

Makes total sense that things would be harder after experiences of stress.

Take Care

@greenpea @Everan 

[greenpea]

@Lilaca  Hey Lilaca my schizoaffective disorder happened during my son2's decent into hell with schizophrenia. We had violence in the house from him and it went on from when he was 16 to the age of 21. He is now on medication and although he still hears voices at least they are controllable.  So yeah my psychiatrist said it was stress related. Yeah I know I was ready to have an exorcism in the house because it was so real. That being said I am a spiritual person and I do believe that when you are in a dark place mentally  that it does attract more of the same to you......  It was physical for me too. I would feel my 'boyfriend'voice on my body it was pretty intense BUT after many months of seeing a great psychiatrist and trying different medications (it can take many months for the combinations to work) I dont hear any voices and my jumbled head is clear.

The meds make me tired and I sleep at odd hours but at least I can hold a conversation ..... the other day though one called my name and I refused to listen...... that is as bad as it has been for years now.  Stay strong and know that the path maybe long on the road to recovery but it is worth it in the end to have yourself back again. Love peax

[Eve7]

I had voices yesterday that were so bad I made myself vomit to try and get rid of them.

i understand but I know they do eventually settle. It’s a matter of one day at a time and finding the right support.

[Guiding_Light]

Greetings @Lilaca  and others of the post: @Eve7 , @greenpea  , @Appleblossom  , @Everan and all who may come.

I would like to shed some light on this topic from my perspective for I have much lived experience and much to share, I have been through it all and know the way out naturally which works for everyone, I am currently writing a book that will change the world and I feel that I can bring much needed clarity and understanding around this issue.

Firstly,
This is not an illness, it is a gift.
This time at home is a phenomenal opportunity for inner growth and transformation, it is by our experience that we come to understand that every crisis is an opportunity to enhance our lives.

There's no need to be hard on yourself, you're not as crazy as what the psychiatrists or mainstream society with 0% lived experience on the matter would have you believe with their names and labels.

The method of the mainstream mental health/psych system is approached the same way as a Gardener who thinks that the solution to the Weeds in the garden is to trim them by their leaves, only to grow back the next season, it is never intended to fully resolve our mental health challenges, it is designed to suppress, delay and prolong the “problem”, to keep us as customers rather than to deal with it by getting to the roots of the weeds as any experienced Gardener would know.

The mental health system methods are like putting the banana skin under the carpet, eventually it will smell and have to be dealt with. I’m sure if they knew better they would do better, though clearly they don’t.

We are all connected and telepathy is real and it is a wonderful thing when understood and used in a respectful harmonious way, you’re not alone, though I won’t have enough space in this post to go into all of that now.

So, it is important not to buy into the belief systems that something is "wrong" with you.
By all means if it serves you, you can listen to them and take their advice, because I'm not here to take away your freedom and choice to choose your reality unlike they do with their labels and mind numbing drugs which are designed to make us lethargic, docile, compliant and numb.
Don't get me wrong, taking medication does have it's place, and should only be taken in very serious situations of absolute chaos and breakdown where the person loses all ability to listen and function coherently, where one may be overwhelmed by crushing and debilitating experiences of fear and anxiety which are the result of a future oriented mind.

With what you have said, I can see that you already know it’s real for you and that needs to be acknowledged and valued.
This is an experience that is happening within you, it is YOU who are the first and foremost authority on your experiences, and it is you who needs to investigate and enquire within yourself to seek the source of the voices if you wish to know true and lasting peace.
This is about taking ownership of your life, to take ownership and responsibility for the experience, because in reality, when you understand what is really going on, you will see that this can be a great blessing and gift.

The pain you mentioned is the result of the suppression.
All pain is felt in the body to bring our awareness to the fact that “hey! something's not right here” and if the pain is felt as a result of trying to stop and suppress the voices, then it’s not the voices themselves that are causing the pain; it is your reaction and response to them.
They are trying to get your attention for a reason, to be heard rather than stopped, ignored, diminished and dismissed as mere “hallucinations”.
I can reveal and show you the path to freedom, of what I know naturally works 100% from my lived experience, however only YOU can choose to walk the path, because the true path to end all suffering is inward and self-enquiry meditation is a way by which we can all achieve any kind of lasting and stable peace and clarity of the mind, I cannot explain the method in this post as it’s limitation of words prevents me from doing so, however, you are free to look it up yourself.

I will only say that it is a way to get to the root of the weed, to be kind and gentle with yourself and give time for yourself to sit calmly with yourself, eyes closed aware of your breath and to turn your attention inward to the source; to discover your true self and who you really are.