Lived Experience Forum

[Lee82]

I understand feeling numb @Snowie  i seem to feel that way a lot. sorry to hear you are feeling this way. 
I am not so great thanks for asking Snowie. 💗

[Snowie]

Did you want to talk about it @Lee82 

I am happy to listen or just sit with you 💕

[Lee82]

Thank you for your support @Snowie  

just feeling pretty useless at the moment and worthless. I went to work this morning but was feeling really anxious and I stuffed up so many time's and couldn't concentrate . Just feeling like I can't be at work with the way I'm feeling just now. However I really have no choice because need the money but it isn't doing my mental health any good. Feeling guilty for feeling this way as I know I am one of the lucky ones who still has a job right now. 
just don't have the capacity to do anything. My mind is just filled with all negative sh**. My past keeps creeping up on me at random times and I can't deal. 

[Snowie]

Don't feel guilty @Lee82 You feelings are very valid. I am not working at the moment, but if I was, I would probably feel the same way.

Unfortunately sometimes it all comes down to money, regardless of how we feel and what state our mental health is in.

Its hard when we have to deal with our past, even more when there are sh thoughts.

You are not alone hun, there are many on here that can empathise with you. We can't take away your hurt but we can listen.

[Lee82]

Thanks @Snowie it is very comforting to know I now have people who will listen and more importantly can understand. It is a very lonely road especially for people like me who have NO ONE in their lives that they can lean on in times like these. 
just want it to all go away. It is very tiring and becoming even harder to deal with. 

[Snowie]

It must be getting hard to deal with @Lee82 

Its hard when it consumes us, when its all we can think of, when it becomes the norm.

I wish it would all go away too, to wake up in the morning and it not be the first think you think about, nor the last thing you think about before you go to sleep.

It is physically and mentally exhausting hun, I don't think people always get how exhausting trying to control our mind is.

I am hoping this makes sense!

[Lee82]

It makes perfect sense @Snowie the mind is a very powerful thing. I really don't know how we are suppose to control it. It's hard enough when you don't have these feelings and emotions let alone with them. 
how are you doing this evening? 

[Snowie]

It is super hard to control our mind hun and super exhausting.

I think @Lee82 that it takes practice and time and even then sometimes we cannot do it.

Our brain is a very powerful part of us, and unfortunately likes bringing up things from the past again and again. All we can do is use our tools in our "tool box" and continue to try to make those small steps forward. Yes there are slip ups, fall downs, even falling backwards, but it's those small wins that we need to grasp onto and keep trying. It's not easy and sometimes I don't even take my own advice!! Sometimes I go back to my unhelpful behaviours and wonder why I even try, I might as well give up now. But then if I do give up, then perhaps I will miss out on taking a leap forward (hopeful thinking perhaps!)

I am not doing great tonight, had a complex session with my psych by phone today that has made some things a bit more amplified, but prn are helping a tiny bit.

[Lee82]

I am so sorry your not doing well tonight @Snowie. I shouldn't have burdened you with all my sh**. I'm so sorry hun.
I am so glad you were able to connect with your psych. Those sessions can be very difficult and make things feel worse afterwards for a while until things start to calm down. 
It sounds like you are working

hard at positive thinking. That is so great to hear. Wish I had that ability. 
I hope your night gets a little better and you are able to rest 💞

[Snowie]

Please don't be sorry @Lee82 

If I couldn't handle it then I would have let you know. You are not being a burden to me.

Positive thinking is very hard hun, sometimes I can do it, sometimes not, it depends on a lot of different factors.

Hoping you are able to get some sleep too tonight 💕