My Mosaic

[Bow]

I’m feeling heaps fragile I think it is @AuntGlow @like I’m gonna fall to pieces and break. 

I made the effort to get up and go to my group this morning. I really didn’t wanna, but I needed some normalcy. And maybe I would see my SW there. Felt heaps overwhelmed as soon as I walked in the door. It was loud. Lots of people doing different things. I sat down near some other girls. I lasted 30mins and I had to leave. 
As I walked to my car I seen my SW sitting in her car out the front. 

went home and curled up in bed. Haven’t done much since

[Bow]

Why do people pretend to want to talk and just never follow through 

why bother? 😩

I give up

[AuntGlow]

I am with you, that can be such a scary feeling, can't it? Please know that if you do 'break', we are here to put all the little pieces of @Bow back together. 💕

I think it's really courageous of you to explore your window of tolerance. Right now, it may not be as wide as usual, and that is okay. It sounds like you were really hoping to speak with your support worker? 

[Bow]

Yeah I did 😩😩😩

[AuntGlow]

I am so sorry you didn't get to. When can you speak with them next? 

And what were you needing most from connecting with them?

(Knowing this may help to illuminate what else we can do to help support you.) @Bow 💛

[Bow]

I haven’t had a decent conversation with her in well over 4 weeks. No home visits. Nothing. So much has been happening that is locked up inside. All of my supports have dropped the ball recently and I am feeling it. I feel very alone. Very alone. Don’t feel like anyone cares. Please don’t say you do.  I have a trauma anniversary next week that no one knows about. 

who knows when she will be in touch

[tyme]

Hey @Bow , I'm sorry to hear your hurt. I can see how lonely it has been for you. In terms of 'all your supports', is this because one main support dropping off means all the others drop off? 

Sorry, I don't know if I'm explaining myself clearly. For example, if you are connected with area MH, and case management drops off, then all the 'linked' supports also drop off?

[Bow]

@tyme  My psychologist is away. All of June til mid July. She asked me what I might need in her absence. I told her. But nothing. Absolutely nothing. And my CM is mostly useless. She only works Wednesday-Fri and that’s shift work, so not all day. Yet she had a full case load. So next to no time. 

Content/trigger warning

constantly find myself asking myself what the hell do I do wrong???? Why the fvck is it so bloody hard to get the support I need??? Like I just tried to off myself and seriously. Week in icu. They send me home from the high dependency ward cause they have no beds and cause I have supports in the community!?

im just so over it

sorry

its the same shit I’m repeating myself and not recovery focused at all

i can go

[tyme]

Hey @Bow , 

I wish I could answer that but it's not my place to do so.

I can only share my own experiences where I had to come to a place where I could no longer rely on the supports of others. I had to do what was within my own power to allow myself to recover. Whilst others were around me, I was always leaning on them which meant I never needed to develop the strength to do what i needed to get better.

But I'm mindful that everyone's experiences are different and so it's important to do what's right for you. It sounds like waiting around for CM support or anyone else isn't working? So what can you do to help yourself at this time?

I hear how damn hard things are right now.

[Bow]

Thanks for sharing @tyme  glad that that is what worked for you but respectful its really not what I need at the moment especially given where I’ve spent the last week. 

think I’ll just head off

sorry to