My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow I am sorry that things are so, so dark right now hun. I know you feel really alone, so maybe we all gather round and give our Bow a big virtual hug!

@Dreamy @AuntGlow @tyme @Snowie 

🫂🫂🫂

I am heading off for tonight hun, I will be back round next weekend. Look after your wonderful self, and know that the community has your back! 💜

[Captain24]

Thinking of you @Bow 

[Snowie]

Hi my dear @Bow 

Went to bed early last night so didn't see your post till this morning.

I'm sorry things got to that point hon. I know how hard it is to just continue some days. I'm so glad that you are still with us, even though existing can be super hard.

Please don't feel that you need to apologise. I'm just glad you are with us still and I saw your post this morning.

My arms are wrapped around you hon, the whole Sane community is. You are not alone.

Step by step my dear sister 💕💕

[Bow]

Thanks @Dreamy  this wasn’t my first time and waking up never gets any easier. All the trauma. Ya try to escape the trauma but just end up adding to it. 

@AuntGlow  It’s hard to receive love and nurturing when you feel so alone and a lot of people have dropped the ball on you.

thank you @Eve7 @Captain24 

@Jynx  really wanted to downloaded to you

[Dreamy]

@Bow the waking up doesn't get easier, it's horrible and I know it all too well. It feels like there's no escaping the trauma sometimes. I know it's hard right now but I hope things do get easier for you. 

Here for you anytime. Try to be gentle with yourself, you are so special and loved ♥️.

[Bow]

@Snowie  Thank you for your beautiful message this morning. And thank you for thinking of me so much while I was absent. 

im finding it really hard to be here at the moment. I’m not sure what to say and don’t really feel like I fit in. I just take up unnecessary time and space. I’m a failure. In every sense of the word. 

existing is hard. Nothing has changed, I’ve just got more shame thrown on the pile and the consequences of my actions to deal with. 

how are you? I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to catch up

[rav3n]

hey @Bow i'm so sorry to hear how dark and heavy things have been. i can hear how extremely hard it is being here. although it might not feel like it now, please know that you will always belong here, there's always space for you in this community. there is no judgement here, we understand you. we're all imperfect beings and that's okay - you are, and always will be worthy and deserving of love and support. i know it might take some time to process everything, and in the meantime, we're all here for you. sending you gentle hugs 💖💞

[Snowie]

Yep that failure word @Bow I fail as a person, fail at even trying to end it all. I know that feeling hon. Shame can be added to the pile that just seems to grow.

Those are big feelings hon. Even normal to have, especially after an attempt.

I wish I could say they go away, never to be seen again, but I can't. I think it's more about managing them and giving them space. Knowing that they won't always be that strong. That maybe there will be some light. 

No doubt it feels hard to fit in anywhere hon. Take it slow. Find a pace that suits you. If that's just saying hello, then that will do. It might be about your crafts, might be a bit deeper. There is no right or wrong. Everyone has a different pace, and I know that my pace can vary depending on how I feel, what's been happening, etc.

If you feel like answering, are CH doing anything more to support you?

I'm ok thanks. One day at a time. Big news is that mum's going into respite in a few weeks for a 2 week stay. Hoping she likes it.

[Bow]

Thanks @rav3n @Snowie 

im heaps emotional today. Teary. Alone. Mum can’t come in. I understand that. She has my daughter and I definitely don’t want her seeing me like this. It’s scary. Haven’t heard from my SW or CH. CH are useless. I do the right thing and tell them I need extra support. I tell my psych I need contact from the team while she is away. But nothing. Zero. Zilch. Then this happens. They ask why didn’t you reach out? Why didn’t you ask for help? Well £uck me. I did! And then they will probably all jump in and take all autonomy away from me and punish me like last time. This system is shit. 

sorry. It makes me angry.

[Snowie]

You have every right to be angry @Bow especi