I can’t cope

[MissinTooth]

@Captain24 what if you tried to reason with yourself. I find it works sometimes for me...

It kind of goes something like this...

"I can lay on the couch for ten minutes, then I need to get up and go..."

Or

"I have an appointment, then another appointment. I will give myself time to get a coffee in between and when I get through that...I will..." and find something good for yourself to do. 

It's kind of like bribing yourself to do the things... 

[Captain24]

I got through my psych appointment @Ru-bee. She actually saw the wave run through me that I’ve had enough of life. She stopped the conversation and asked what just happened in that moment. We worked out a plan until I have my next appointment but I’m not sure I can stick to it. That makes me a failure.

She decided that I’m not to reduce my meds this week. Leave them at this weeks dose so I can have a break. 

I don’t want to do my next appointment. I’m not eating and she is going to tell me I have to. She is going to try and make me agree with things that I just don’t want to do. Im hoping she listens. 

Im in a bit of trouble right now. 

[Captain24]

I can try bribing myself @MissinTooth but I think I’m too far past that. I have stuff that I need to be doing but I just don’t have it in me. 

Right now I’m barely able to breathe

[Ru-bee]

I'm proud of you for getting through that appointment and for being open and honest with your psych @Captain24 it sounds like she's really attuned to you and is a good support. 

Hoping that you feel heard in your next appointment. 

Until then, it's okay if you just need to focus on the next breath

[Captain24]

She is fabulous @Ru-bee 

The wave is getting worse and fast. I need to learn to just ride it out. It all sounds too hard right now. life’s too hard. 

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. 

[Ru-bee]

Maybe it's okay to let yourself curl up and cry for a bit @Captain24 is that something that you can let yourself do?

[Captain24]

Well surprise surprise she told me a had to eat @Ru-bee. She was really understanding when I told her how bad things are mentally. She also gets that it’s different to my ED. 

It was actually good to talk to someone though. She’s a good listener. 

Now to survive the next 2 hours until dinner that I don’t want to go to. 

No… I won’t let myself cry. It’s a hard thing for me to do. I always got in trouble for crying even when my nan died a couple of years ago. 

[tyme]

Hi @Captain24 , I've just read your post and I will respond in more depth later. 

I am doing some training with @Tolly who you may start seeing around the forums once in a while.

Speak soon.

[Captain24]

Thanks @tyme 

[Ru-bee]

I'm so glad she has as able to hear you @Captain24 so it sounds like 2 constructive appointments today, that's gotta be a win hey?

Sending you strength for tonight, but also some softness because there's strength in that (and crying).