It's good that you're taking steps to maintain safety. I have a serious range of concerns about the relationship dynamic your describing. To be frank, the terms "financial abuse", "emotional abuse" and "coercive control" come readily to mind. You may want to consider talking to some people in this area. Good sources for these areas are 1800 Respect, Mensline and Relationships Australia. They're all types that get the patterns and might be able to help taking control of the spiral effects.
From my own learning, I'll say something that's less known but pretty universal. Step one of all abuse is convincing the victim that abuse is acceptable (for some reason). Like the saying, "The first casualty of war is the truth". The truth is, no-one deserves to be abused. No how. Not ever. Despite whatever number of "reasons", there's no excuse.
