Lived Experience Forum

[ms_37]

So I was recently diagnosed with an ED and received treatment for it when I was in hospital for my other diagnonsense. Since coming out of hospital, people have commented "that I've put on weight" and "you look healthy". Some have even gone on to say that it doesn't look like I have one as I'm not that skinny. All of these comments are extremely triggering and as a result I shut down, internalize and "put on the mask". It has got to the point where I am going to relapse and become skinnier than I was before, almost to prove a point that I do have that control. I just don't care anymore and I'm over all the bs. Anyone else experienced this?

[The-red-centaur]

@ms_37 I really feel this post. I dont really have nay advice other than I hear you and I understand.

[Anon4]

Hey. Nope, never been in that position. People really don't think things through before they speak, huh. I know how tempting it is to get revenge on others by hurting yourself. It's a trap. Could it be helpful to come up with short, scripted lines to deal with people in the moment - you can choose the tone of these ("thanks for your concern", "thanks, I'd rather not talk about it", "thanks, that is singularly the worst thing you could say to someone recovering from an ED", <insert your own>)? Then eat well and know that that takes more willpower than the slow death you might be wanting instead, regardless of what people say to make themselves feel better about your pain. Good luck.

[ms_37]

@Anon4  I want to be able to come back with those retorts, however, part of the other diagnonsense is to put on the mask and internalize. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse/reason to self sabotage so I can justify going down that track again... 

[Anon4]

Sounds like you have more feelings than you have resources to cope with them. It's a long, hard road; one on which we are more loved than we are capable of feeling. I hope you can find a way to soften into your body and ease your pain.

[ms_37]

No one gives a damn if I live or die, so I don't know who you're implying "loves me more than we are capable of feeling."

[Whitehawk]

Hi there @ms_37 

I am concerned by your post as it seems that you are really strugglng and are unable to accept supportive messages from other members on the forum. The members do want to understand you and support you so we hope that you are able to derive some comfort from the forum community. 

If you are upset by what someone posts please have a look at the community guidelines here https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage/title/self-care 

 If you are not safe this evening please reach out for support her on the forums and also off the forums with the 24 hour help lines and services.

Take care

Whitehawk

[Anon4]

Thanks for responding. I know that desperation in myself. I'll pop in and out as I'm able to see how you're doing. I obviously hit a raw spot; hopefully it stings you less over time. I'm sorry that the guidelines probably don't allow for you to unleash your fury on me; I'm pretty tough, and your pain has to go somewhere! I'll be thinking of you tonight. PS, I don't know who I'm implying loves you. I just know that when I feel abandoned, which is always, it's a misconception on my part. People have this habit of loving me in ways I don't understand or feel. Which is pretty irritating, but here we are.

[BPDSurvivor]

It's sad to hear when people say such things.

How I see it is that people often say things with the best intentions at heart, but really don't realise how deep their words cut when they come out. 

In this day and age, people are only just beginnning to accept mental health. Hence people who have never experienced mental health (lived experience or a carer) often struggle to empathise with those who have it.

Ive ended up finding people who accept me for who I am where I can speak openly about my mental health challenges. As for other people, I forgive them for what they say because I don't believe they really understand the underlying issues.

Please take care and have compassion on yourself.

Cheers,

BPDSurvivor