Lived Experience Forum

[Lemonjuice]

Hi everyone, 

Firstly, if you're going through stuff and not at a good place, please don't read this.

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My nephew isn't mentally well.  Yesterday he got so upset that he was screaming at me and his sister.  He threw stuff everywhere and actually flipped the coffee table upside down, a very heavy wood table.  He was frothing at the mouth, screaming at his sister and not letting either of us leave and he wouldn't leave either.  I managed to get out the back door and went to the neighbors but my niece called me back.  I couldn't go back in, I was shaking so much, even out dog went and hid.  Luckily the neighbour came back from shopping just then and guided me back to her place.  Things calmed down.  My niece came and got me after he went back to his room.  It's been a tense quiet ever since.  I'm still shut down, not feeling anything, not in a good way, but in shock.  My niece called his mother and both have a plan to get him out of the house.  He's not a bad person, sometimes I think he has some kind of aspergers, sometimes I think borderline.  He's always on the defensive, always believes everyone is going to trick him or is lying to him, etc.  I don't know what to do for him and I am too far gone myself to do anything for him.  I haven't talked to my sister, cause I don't think either of us can deal with what's happening. As my shock, numbness, dissociation is wearing off, my thoughts are turning to suicide.  I keep going over all the reasons I have to live, but I am kind of scared, as the numbness wears off, the suicidal feelings are going to get stronger.  My thinking is all over the place at the moment, my vision has been blurred, I keep making mistakes, etc. I think that it would be a good idea to go and stay with my sister for a while, but it would mean leaving my niece alone with him.  She's not coping herself, she had a bad case of flu, gingivitis and developed a mild case of Bell's Palsy a couple of days ago.  The doc says she will make a full recovery, but the stress of all of this can't be easy on her.  I can't get past the thought of just ending it all, I miss my parents...I would like to die on their grave and we can be together again. Say a prayer cause I can't see any alternative.

[anonymouse_]

Hi Lemonjuice, mod here. Have just sent you an email checking in.

[Former-Member]

@Lemonjuice ,  just thought I would stop in and see how you are doing. I am sorry you where faced with that. I can't even begin to imagine how that felt. I hope you are safe. 

[outlander]

hey @Lemonjuice
that is incredibly tough and I can imagine quite scary too! im sorry its so hard.
just wanted to stop in and show my support and offer a listening ear if you need

[Maggie]

Dropping off my support also @Lemonjuice . This is very hard on everyone involved. 

[Lemonjuice]

@Maggie thanks.💓

[Lemonjuice]

I saw my new shrink today...I've only seen him five times.  He asked me if I wanted to go to hospital, I said no, that I would try to stay safe.  He wants me to increase my meds for depression. He asked me why I put up with my nephew's behaviours and name calling. I didn't have an answer, except that I love him and hope he will figure things out...and that he threatens suicide.  I'm really exhausted today, like all the blood has left my body.  And as if all that isn't enough, we've run out of gas for the stove this afternoon.

[Lemonjuice]

@outlander thanks.💓