Lived Experience Forum

[al0ne]

I am only 23 years old but I have no friends and no girlfriend. I have a medical condition that gives me back pain and I have so much trouble sleeping at night because of the insanely strong loneliness feeling and sadness. I don’t know how to cope with feeling like this every day..

recently I’ve found a girl that I want to get to know better. She’s absolutely incredible but I haven’t had any relationship for 6 years and typically no one shows any interest in me.. I want to be able to talk more with this one girl and then ask her on a date but I am nothing compared to what she is and I know if the likely thing happens and I’m rejected I will be in severe mental pain from just a rejection. I don’t know what to do about this situation and im getting so tired of feeling terrible all the time. 

[Academica]

Hi @al0ne, 

It sounds like you have been dealing with quite a difficult situation, but you are also showing a lot of courage reaching out and giving connection a chance. 

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums and we hope you find this to be a supportive space for you. 

The forums are not a counselling service, so if you need someone to talk to, these organisations can help you:

• ReachOut.com (youth mental health service) — online help
• headspace (ages 12-25) — call 1800 650 890
• Kids Helpline (ages 5-25) — call 1800 55 1800
• Lifeline — call 13 11 14
• Suicide Call Back Service (all ages) — call 1300 659 467
• Head to Health - for advice, assessment and referral into local mental health services – call 1800 595 212 from 8:30am to 5pm on weekdays (public holidays excluded)

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already.

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

Best regards,

Academica (moderator)

[D1ng0]

Hey @al0ne, I'm in a similar situation to you, and I want you to know that you're not alone in such an experience. Although you may feel alone, this online community is here for you. I am in a similar situation to you, and I'm willing to bet that many other folks on this forum can empathise as well.

I also live with chronic pain, as well as insomnia and multiple mental illnesses. I am young (by society's standards) like you are, yet I have no boyfriend and very rarely see people. My isolation means nobody can become romantically interested in me. I have never been in a relationship. It's very lonely and frustrating. I absolutely understand you. I often feel like I'm missing milestones and a "normal" life. Those feelings of sadness and loneliness are completely understandable in your situation. All of us who are living with physical/mental conditions cope in different ways. I'm happy to talk about how I have coped, if that might give you a different perspective? But in the meantime let's focus on you 😊

I'm not asking for personal/medical details here (definitely keep your answers vague), but do you have professional support for your pain condition? Living with pain, especially if your back condition is a chronic one, is no small feat. You're accomplishing something just by making it through the day, and you really deserve doctors/physiotherapists/etc who can recognise the effort you're putting in, and can offer you extra tools to address the pain you're in... especially if pain is affecting your sleep. Sleep is so, so important to mental and physical health.

It sounds like you're going through a lot of things on your own, which makes professional support even more important. Are you currently seeing a therapist, psychologist, or counsellor?

[lavenderhaze]

Hey @al0ne,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. Feeling lonely and dealing with constant pain is incredibly hard. It's completely understandable that it's taking a toll on your mental health.

First off, I want to say that it's brave of you to share what you're going through. It's not easy to open up about our struggles, but reaching out for support is a huge step in the right direction.

It sounds like you've found someone you're interested in, which is great! But I totally get that it's nerve-wracking to think about putting yourself out there, especially if you haven't been in a relationship for a while. It's normal to worry about rejection, but remember, it doesn't define your worth. I know that's easier said than done. I have feared rejection for much of my life, and it's certainly hurtful! So, from my experience, what helps is trying to remind ourselves what we bring to the table. List your qualities - for example, your kindness, strength, and resilience. Putting the other person on a pedestal can sometimes put a lot of unnecessary pressure on us and the situation. Focus on building a genuine connection.

And hey, rejection happens to everyone—it sucks but it's just part of life. 

In the meantime, it's super important to take care of yourself. Find things that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's diving into a hobby or seeking out some professional support to help you cope with everything you're going through.

You're not alone in this, okay? Keep reaching out and taking care of yourself—you've got this. 

[al0ne]

Hey, thanks for your reply, it was very insightful. I am trying to get surgery for my back problem but not having success finding anyone who will do surgery. It’s been an ongoing issue for many years.

As for my mental health right now im not seeing any psychologist, I have seen many in the past and none of them have been able to make me feel any different really. I am on medication and without it I would

be in serious danger of doing something to myself so it is good that I have that but it doesn’t stop these horrible feelings and loneliness 

[al0ne]

Thank you, I appreciate that. I find it very hard not to put others on a pedestal when I don’t feel like I am anyone of importance. I don’t feel like I bring much to the table outside of my character as in if I was someone’s boyfriend I know I can be a great boyfriend emotionally and I have those traits but apart from that I lack a lot in life a lot because of my physical condition. I try not to take it too hard if I get rejected but when I am this invested and want someone because I am sure they are who I’d spend my life with I just know it will really really hurt if they reject me

[tyme]

Hey @al0ne ,

I'm hearing you. As @lavenderhaze mentioned, physical pain can really affects one's mental health.

As I sit here, I also have back pain, but I'm sure it's not to the extent of yours. 

Do you see a pain specialist?

By connecting on the forums, I hope you find a way to work through some of your emotional pain.

We here are real people - not robots. Many of us have been through pain in one way or another. Yet this pain brings us together because we can share our experiences and lay hold on the hope before us.

We are here for you.

[al0ne]

thank you, I need people around me I don’t have friends or anything really. 

my back pain is quite a different thing, if I do not do anything it is okay but when I start doing physical stuff even small things or if I sit wrong or the seat isn’t a really good seat I start having quite intense pains for the whole day and sometimes longer than just a day even with the rest it all varies but I’ve decided I need surgery and it’s what I want but none of the surgeons are willing to do it so quickly. It’s been a long process and this pain hinders my life, I cannot work a normal job and I cannot do the physical things I love like sport I pretty much rot away alone in my bed and the last few days have been horrible my whole being has shutdown and gone into a mental emergency with Saturday being the worst day and night I’ve had in a long time. I really don’t know what to do about it I just feel very very hopeless and now there’s this one girl I’m very interested in I fear how damaging it will be if but more like when she rejects me. I don’t know. I’m sorry for rambling on. I’m really not doing good 

[tyme]

That's a tough one. Have you ever worked with mindfulness to help with the pain? @al0ne 

I looked into a research about mindfulness and it really opened my eyes into how pain can be better managed through mindfulness. It doesn't take the pain away, but it helps us stay in control.

You may be interested in this too: If you search "Catalyst: The Mindfulness Experiment", you will be able to find it.

[al0ne]

I have heard of mindfulness but I admit I don’t know about it really thank you for that I will have a look at it and try understand it