Caring for a loved one with psychosis - when to admit it's just too much?

[Lattepowered]

Thanks so much @tyme I really appreciate you thinking of me, and for sending me those helpful links.

You're right, the boundaries conversation is something I feel like I need to have with him constantly, with no cut through. 

The past couple of days he has been back to 'normal', which in itself is now messing with my sense of stability, because I never know when the delusions are going to flare up. But then tonight, when he came home from work he was back to being stressed because he now 'knows' that 'it's going to happen next week'. (His main delusion is that he'll be arrested by PIs, lawyers etc on fake charges, but he just keeps moving the date when 'it' in going to happen.) It's so draining.

I feel like I just keep reiterating that I don't want to hear about the delusions, that it stresses me out etc. I actually am probably a bit too severe in that I frequently say that I don't want to be here (in our home) if he keeps carrying on. I say that because im at saturation point and just so exasperated that he won't get help - but me being stern seems to set him off on a worse wave of being upset with me because I don't believe him. So then he's carrying on about not just the delusions, but our relationship too. I'm sure I can probably respond in a calmer, more empathic manner to him - I've just found in the past that he can literally carry on for hours if I offer a patient ear. We're just going in circles and it feels like he's blind to the impact on me. 

Where I'm at now is that when he's 'normal' I feel i can keep doing life with him and even enjoy life with the kids etc (although I'm always on edge about when his MH will flare up) but when the delusions do flare up, I really can't stand being around it. So I feel super confused and conflicted about the future.

[Lattepowered]

Thanks so much @RiverSeal I appreciate your kind words of support and suggestions. I'll take a closer look at those YouTube videos when I get a chance.

Could I please ask, from your own experience and working with others, what does it typically take for a person with schizophrenia or delusions to get to the point where they realise they need help? Does it basically come down to loved ones involving CATT, against their will ie involuntary help? Or them basically hitting rock bottom before they seek help?

I've tried suggesting my husband get help countless times (and I even briefly left twice last year, which felt horrible) but he's still fixated on the delusions being real. Now, I'm looking at our future and seriously considering if I'll need to leave again, but it's just an incredibly disruptive option for myself and the kids. We'd have to leave our home, sleep on the floor of my mum's spare room, pull the kids out of school as Id probably have to stay away for a few months at least to make a point..sucky all round. I worry i wouldn't have the emotional strength to stay away for long enough, either. Just too painful.

The other option seems to be calling CATT, do you have any hunch how that might unfold? He isn't a risk to self or others and can mask very convincingly. The illness seems totally unpredictable as to when it is going to consume his mind. He was in delusional zone Saturday night and Sunday morning, then it passed and fine and cheerful until delusions returned tonight. It's like being on a roller-coaster.

My other question is whether you have any suggestions for ways I can calmly but firmly express my boundaries to him? I seem to set him off on even worse rants when I tell him I just don't want to hear about it (especially at 10pm when I just want to sleep).

So grateful for your help.

[tyme]

@Lattepowered ,

I can really hear how when he is 'well', you can get along quite fine. But it's when he is unwell that it seems like breaking point. 

I wonder if you found any of those suggestions from the link I sent, helpful? 

I know it's hard to enact some of what they suggested e.g. "Don't get annoyed and frustrated', but I also found that the examples of statements you can use, quite helpful.

I really hope your hubby gets the help he needs. Or at least will be willing. I can see how your quality of life can improve once he does get the help. 

Please stay in touch and let us know how you go.

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Lattepowered, thanks for your reply! I have been on planned leave, so apologies for a later reply.

Involving a CATT team and a person being made involuntarily or on a Community Treatment Order. Does not necessarily mean they will accept a diagnosis and that they are experiencing mental health issues. But it can help to support them, get the treatment they need and work towards acceptance. 

Delusions, by their nature, are the reality of the person experiencing them and changing their beliefs can be challenging. It is really up to the person and how they see their experiences, both the delusions and the support beign offered and whether draw a connection. Everyone has a bottom point I beleive and its up to the individual to find it to decide if they need support.

It is a decission you need to make whether you want to involve a CATT team and try and get your husband the support he needs. There are pro and cons like in any situation and it may be triggering for him but a step closer to recovery maybe.

Thinking about leaving your husband must feel really overwhelming and bring up a lot of emotions. I think only you can decide if that is the right thing for you and your family. you could give Relationships Australia a call https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/ to discuss this with them.

The CATT team will be briefed on the information you provide if you call them so you should definitely let them know he can switch and be convincing. They are an acute serivce so they may need a reason to have him taken to the hospital for an acessment. It could be triggering for your husband and you may need to have a plan for afterwards depending on how it goes. Perhaps calling 1800 RESPECT https://1800respect.org.au/ to create a Safety Plan for you and your family.

With boundaries you need to enforce them otherwise they are inaffective and can be exhausting for you. If you have set boundaries already and they are not being respected then affirming your boundaries is important. Once again you need to have a plan for how you will react and what action you will take if the boundarie are not respected or you can't enforce them. 

How do you feel about giving 1800 RESPECT https://1800respect.org.au/ a call to talk about strateggies to set and enforce boundaries in a relationship? I might be really beneficial to talk to someone before you decide to act on your thoughts or make firm plans. 

I hope helps and once again I apologies for the late reply.

Take care 

RiverSeal