Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Jed_8]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. Realising my son is experiencing distorted thinking and possibly psychosis is also new. He's early 20s and lives in another city. He's engaged with a psychiatrist and social worker team. The initial contact with mental health in his state was because I contacted the service back in October before I went to his city hoping he would see me. He had recently renewed contact with me after 18 months of estrangement and it took a few phone calls to realise something was seriously not right. I was in his city a week but he refused to see me. The mental health service saw him, with the aid of police, but told me he did not present in a serious enough condition to schedule him. However, they flagged him with the police in case there was an incident. The psychiatrist called me 2 weeks ago to say he was seeing them that day and asked if I had anything else I could add. But they wouldn't tell me anything because he has not provided consent. My son rang me about an hour after that, for the first time since I was in his city in October. He told me he is a schizophrenic and says he's on anti-psychotics but I can't know if this is true. He is also using a range of illicit drugs to 'heal himself'. We talked on the phone a few times, and his thinking is very complex, delusional, paranoid, a little grandiose. I took notes and got back to the social worker.

During that initial phone call, my son asked me to visit, and repeated it in a subsequent phone call. So I booked a flight and accommodation for today. This morning, I was on my way to the airport and he texts me not to come. He was mean. Totally different from his phone calls.  I was at my airport gate, having a coffee, and thought about going through with it and just being in his city if he changed his mind. But then I realised that me coming to see him was too much for him. I don't want to make it worse, so I came back home. 

Did I do the wrong thing, thinking I could see him? How should I approach the future, I mean, if he asks me to visit again, should I trust he means it, or will he do the same thing again? 

I miss him so much but I have no-one to give me advice. I don't want to make it worse for him. But maybe by coming home, I've failed some kind of test and he will think I don't love him for not going through with it. I have no idea what I'm doing. 

[Lola123]

Sorry you are going through this. I have no advice but just wanted you to know you are not alone. The mental health service saw my husband too, with the aid of the police, but told me he did not present in a serious enough condition.. just the same even though he had sent a suicide letter to 3 of our children. He is also Jekyll and Hyde depending on the time of day and gets aggressive and then very sweet. It is very tiring and all we do is think about them. I do feel sorry for you that you are so far away from him and cannot call in and see him. 

[Jed_8]

Thank you for reaching out @Lola123 and sharing some of your experience. It makes me wonder if there was sufficient funding for mental health interventions with people who are dealing with mental health issues, would my son and your husband receive some assistance at an earlier stage? It seems to me that a person needs to have either attempted to hurt themselves or others before medication can be enforced. I realise I know very little about how the health system works, and maybe that's not even the best thing for mentally unwell people. I can't imagine how stressful your life must be. I really hope Christmas is a peaceful time for you all.

[hanami]

Hi @Jed_8 and @Lola123 

Sorry to hear about your struggles with family and mental health and the mental health system.

I can understand how it must seem broken. I used to work in Community Mental Health and saw so many people really struggling. They would go to hospital (I occasionally accompanied them) and would be made to wait for hours and hours. Then turned away despite them telling the doctors they were suicidal or desperate for help. Quite heartbreaking really.

I really hope things can improve soon for you both.

Thinking of you

Hanami

[Krishna]

Hi @Jed_8  I really feel for you as am in a very similiar situation with my daughter who is now 29. We haven’t seen each other in 4 years as she refuses to allow me to visit. She also suffers from schizophrenia and I feel in my heart of hearts that she simply does not want me to see her this way. Christmas is especially tough as I know she will be on her own. We spoke yesterday and I suggested her dad and I come down for the day but she becomes very insistent that we do not. I’ve considered just showing up many times over the years but have changed my mind as I don’t want to upset her. We simply hope one day she will be happy to see us and in the meantime, she knows she is loved and we would be there in the blink of an eye if needed. For now we simply have to respect her wishes. 

[Lola123]

Thank you Hanami

[Lola123]

I hope Christmas is a peaceful time for you too Jed. Yes it is very confusing in the mental health system