05-12-2019 04:11 PM
05-12-2019 04:11 PM
How stupid am I
always in the wrong
never can I achieve
it's just not right
talk to people
listen to them
take this take thst
well I don't care anymore
its so difficult at times
people don't get it
BPD is the worst
I have ever seen
control your emotions
well what do they know
you need to let go
if only it's that easy
I'm a failure in everything I try
I'm stuck in this hole
and each time I try
I get pushed further down.
this is me .....
07-12-2019 01:47 PM
07-12-2019 01:47 PM
I am in my corner here
Away from the world
Let all things settle
Quietly by the hours
How I feel deep inside
Being used and trampled on
By my own parents
Father who pushed and left Jo space for me to breathe
The world sees me working hard and smile
They lend a helping hand so I am still here
Where the day is going I do not know
The wounds old and new
Fresh and raw again here
St least I am in my private corner.
07-12-2019 05:11 PM
09-12-2019 08:38 PM
09-12-2019 08:38 PM
Hello, all of you reading eyes out there. It's a pleasure to e-connect with you. I humbly thank you for taking the time to let me into your lives with the words that I am now posting...
I know that behind each avatar, each carefully or casually chosen user name, each initial like or post; well... there lies a real human being with a complex of emotions, moods, patterns, thoughts, beliefs... and, more often than not, you are here because you are either in a world of pain, or know exactly what that feels like...
As human beings, we are incredibly adept at building communities... here in my own area on the east coast of Australia, beset by fires, on high alert for weeks on end, almost unable to smell the choking smoke any more, I look around me, and I see the very best qualities of the human race on display...
People, selflessly defending each others' properties and lives... helping each other to pick up the pieces when all is lost... it is at the very edge of the human experience that true grit, determination, and a loving empathy sweep away all of the superficial differences between us...
This is what I see, when I look at mental health forums too...
I see love, compassion, empathy, a deep understanding of what it is to be in life-destroying pain, and words of hope from those who have survived such pain...
Because... know this... my soul, my psyche, my mental self, my very consciousness, has been in deep conflict for decades... I have felt the full brunt of the breathtaking power that bipolar has to supercharge one's emotions and moods, and to destroy the very fundamentals that our lives rely on... reality, even, becomes optional... and limits that mere mortals would not dare to transgress become playthings to a mind caught up in its own godhood...
Such are the perils of bipolar (along with many more)...
And now we come to this forum (and others like it). This is a safe place, where people can reach out to each other in anonymity, offering hugs and help and their own life experiences, in the hopes that just one person somewhere will be able to take a shortcut to wisdom without all of the suffering and pain that got the rest of us here...
The one thing that makes this all possible is so simple it is often forgotten...
Words...
And through writing our words out, either as a stream of consciousness or as carefully structured poetry or story, we are able to share as close as we will ever get to our essence with other people...
This is a profound link... to be able to express and describe our pain, our victories, our failures, our learning, our growth, with other people... well... this is what makes the human race great... it is through community that we thrive, and the strongest of us protect the weakest, so that we can all be great together...
This is my belief, my dream... that writing can save us... by capturing our words, we focus them, we make them real...
Without words, we wouldn't have thoughts... without thoughts, we wouldn't have anything other than animalistic action... words help to define us... the language that we use says so very much about us...
And this is what I would love to express to people about writing as a form of therapy...
If you write it down, you can re-read it... and in re-reading it (maybe years or decades later) you have a signpost, a clear idea of what you were thinking at a particular time... by journaling your life and your thoughts in whatever way works best for you (through poetry, song, diary, graffiti on a wall, blogging, and a myriad of other ways), you are able to get an understanding of how you change over time...
You can see how you have progressed and regressed, how you have leapt and fallen, and how generally over time you are actually getting better at being you... you are growing into yourself... learning more about what makes you tick...
The reason I started this Writing As A Form Of Therapy thread was because writing has saved my life. Not just literally... actually...
Without writing, I would not be here... and these words would have never existed...
If we do not express ourselves, we suppress ourselves...
It's as simple as that... for years, I did not speak the right language of my suffering, and so I effectively remained silent... that silence was nearly the end of me...
Now I see, no matter who tries to silence me or temper my language, that speaking about mental health is vitally important, for it is in silence that we are each separated from the herd and fall...
Writing... my words teach me more about myself than any other person's words ever will...
It is all about learning how to read yourself properly... and then sharing those words with the rest of the world so that they too can come to understand the importance of the words we use and choose, and writing as a form of therapy...
Much love to the community, as always... hugs and happy vibes beaming to everyone...
09-12-2019 08:48 PM
09-12-2019 08:48 PM
09-12-2019 11:31 PM
09-12-2019 11:31 PM
10-12-2019 04:04 AM
10-12-2019 04:04 AM
@Silenus Thankyou for your wise and deep words. 💜💜💜
10-12-2019 06:42 AM
10-12-2019 06:42 AM
Thanks for sharing and so nice to hear from you sgsin @Silenus
I've often wondered how you are.
always love hearing from you
take care
hugs 🤗❤️
10-12-2019 08:18 AM
10-12-2019 08:18 AM
Hi @Silenus great to see you. You describe reality with bipolar so eloquently (even the bits where reality warps), I could not word it better. Don't ever stop sharing your words please. I'm not a christian but I've always loved the quote "In the beginning there was the word and the word was the God" (which Bob Marley quoted too). And "the pen is mightier than the sword". I've written a few pieces recently but no longer post them here as I do competitions and live readings and might be recognized.
10-12-2019 10:49 AM
10-12-2019 10:49 AM
@Sans911 @Maggie @BlueBay @eth ... thanks so much for your lovely replies...
When the broken world that humans have created drives me to despair, it is the warmth and kindness of people that gives me hope...
I live in a small rural village, surrounded by trees. In previous years, this had been a source of great joy to me. In nature, I find the peace that I cannot find in the world of man...
But there is no peace when nature is burning...
These fires... I believe that they will change the relationship that we have with the planet... we can no longer blithely believe in our arrogance that our actions have no consequence... if you add up all the area that has been burned already in this fire season, it would be the 147th largest country in the world... that's larger than all of Israel (or Fiji) by comparison...
A friend of mine (who happens to be my chiropractor) lost everything in the fires a few weeks ago. He managed to get out with the clothes on his back and his car. Everything he had worked for all his life as an alternative bushy type now rests in a pile of blackened rocks and twisted corrugated iron. He'd only bought a new off-grid solar system a few weeks earlier.
My missus and I gave him the old Toyota Coaster motorhome that we travelled around Australia in. It had been sitting in our driveway for 3 years, quietly gathering dust and rust. It took me 3 days to charge the starter batteries so I could kick the engine into life. We cleaned her up (we call her "Grandma"), and filled her with all of the essentials (plates, cutlery, glasses, bedding, towels, and whatever else we could think of).
We also went through all of our tools, donating any double-ups to him, and lent him a chainsaw (essential equipment in the bush)...
Last week, I drove Grandma through an alien landscape of burnt trees and piles of ash, and we parked her next to my friend's burnt-out house. At least now he has a place to stay as he starts the long and difficult journey to rebuild his life and his dreams.
Sadly, his alternative lifestyle did not include insurance cover of any kind, so he has had to rely on the kindness of friends and family around him...
I look in his eyes, and I see situational depression staring back at me... his insides are as burnt and twisted as his former home... it will be a long journey back from here, but together we are stronger than we could ever be alone...
The act of giving is an incredibly transformative process, whether it be material goods, emotional support, or even just a bit of your time... volunteerism is one of the greatest gifts we can give...
Much love and respect to the community...
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