Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Tatti]

Hi Everyone 

I am completely new here.

So a bit unsure how to start writing.

Someone I care about very much has a DID/CPTSD diagnosis, this has been ongoing for many years now, and they are mostly well supported, and at times completely misunderstood, by mental health services. However we generally do quite well.  Life is very complex indeed, recently things have become even more complex and challenging than usual, and as a result I feel I am really struggling and dont know how to be. This person is incredibly important to me, therefore I have a lot of compassion, knowing and understanding. I have been on this journey with my person for many years, and for the most part have practiced good self care as is necessary when a loved one has mental health challenges. I also work in mental health. I have taken a lot of time to learn as much as I can about DID from every available source, academic and otherwise and have been involved in their mental health care as appropriate for a loved one to be. However a new part seems to have joined the system, as a result I am feeling incredibly lost and alone at this time. Most people don't really understand the complexity and totality of what happens with a person with this diagnosis, so it is hard to find anyone to talk to, my own therapist doesn't understand the complexity of DID. I am also connected with a local carers support service, and whilst that is invaluable  and helpful it feels I need more specific understanding. I am wondering if anyone out there knows of any support groups for loved ones of people with DID.  I can't seem to find anything appropriate.

Thankyou in advance. Any help would be very appreciated.

[Smurticule]

Agree -very few people have any idea what DID means, and popular culture got it quite wrong.

There's a Facebook forum but it is mainly full of people saying they couldn't take it any more and broke up.

I have a partner with DID.

I'd love somewhere I could talk about my observations and thoughts, and learn what works from others.

How do you encourage a part to talk to other parts? How do you tell a part that they're not stupid when other parts say they are? How do you gently remind them what they forget without them feeling stupid? How do you get past the anger in the angry parts to learn what else they like and do?

[Tatti]

Hi.
Thankyou for replying. I hear you! It is such a complex condition. With my person I go very slowly, gently,compassionately, respectfully and honestly. I take notice of every part of them, and their feelings and opinions, which can get tricky as sometimes, it is the opposite of another part. They are in very regular psychotherapy, so I am guided by their therapist as well. They are currently trying to keep a written communications journal which is helpful. I try to always remain very regulated when we are together as we co regulate really well. So self care is important. I have read a lot too. I have found the first person plural website helpful, even though they are no longer running the website is still up. Mike Lloyd has some good you tube videos re DID, Carolyn Spring website is helpful too. On those websites there are recommendations for books etc. And through here we have found another person to connect to who is in a similar situation...and that is helpful too.
Yes DID is portrayed poorly in pop culture. I looked at theFB group too. If I find anything else I will let you know
Thankyou for replying.

[Eniac]

Wow. That is quite a concern. I'm not very well versed with DID, apart from witnessing a person with 3 quite distinct 'parts' some years ago.. and researching that the mental health establishment (I prefer) is under the impression that its often exacerbated/caused by a desire to escape from sh*t history. So,.. not being at the gate here,.. and certainly not overly supporting the establishment.. has something occurred, you're either aware, or not aware of?

As I said, I'm really not any form of authority on this matter, but, schizophrenia offers me 2 different states of mind, that I can look back on between the two.. after the fact. When I'm in it's all chaos mode and they're watching me,.. the severity, in hindsight is elevated by recent events that have annoyed the good boy. It is truly only the clarity between the 2, gained by the one, that I understand the difference. Point is.. if the establishment is correct, something has, or is annoying your partner. I really don't believe a chat with ANYBODY else, other than your loving self will resolve this potential issue.

🤔 Have you considered recent behaviour.. of either yourself or those around you?

All I can offer mate. All the best. 😎

[Smurticule]

Hello! Thanks for those wonderful suggestions.

We seem to struggle with journals so far, but perhaps one day we will be brave enough.

Sometimes parts surface because they feel safe to do so rather than because they're in a crisis?

Many hugs all round. I hope the challenges and mysteries create knowledge and strength eventually.

[Eniac]

That is one of the best back off's I've ever taken the time to read. Brilliant. So.. you've been assisted. Mark that off. 😎

[Tatti]

Thankyou for your reply. Other peoples perspectives are helpful always.
Thanks.

[Tatti]

Thankyou for your message.
Yes journalling is tricky indeed, especially with opposing parts.
It is really complex, a million times more so for them, and I agree challenges, mysteries, trust and knowledge do create strength and better understanding for all concerned. I want to be here for my person in a way that is positive and supported, so I can be supportive. Also trying not to take things personally is very important,but all of the parts are important and matter and need to be heard, and considered. It is all learning.
Thanks for the hugs. Your situation sounds a bit similar maybe.
Here if you too could do with someone who understands alittle what it might be like.

[Smurticule]

@Tatti thanks! 

This site isn't really working for me, but I hope I bump into you and your loved one round the traps. It would be good to share more and learn more from you.

Best wishes,

Smurticule and partner