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Greenbuttons · ‎30-06-2023

Hi - my husband is generally a good guy. Has recently diagnosed AdHD, severe anxiety and depression. Waiting to get confirmation from next psychiatry appt about his likely autism spectrum disorder and potentially bi-polar. Mental illness runs in his family and is mostly ignored. He hasn't been able to get or hold a job since we moved to a new city (to get away from a coercive control situation with his family). We have two young children under 5 and he is getting increasingly angry and hard to be around. I'm trying to be supportive. It is hard for me to do what needs to be done and keep up. Not sure how to get him more help or do I wait for a complete breakdown?

hanami · ‎30-06-2023

Hi @Greenbuttons

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It sounds really tough. I've actually sent you an email so wondering if you could check that and reply when you get a chance.

Hugs

Hanami

Finn_in_ISO · ‎02-07-2023

Hi Greenbuttons,

Apologies in advance for my looong comment! 😊

My partner was diagnosed with Bipolar last October after a manic episode, so I understand what you’re going through to an extent. He’s been often impossible to live with because he’s just so negative about everything.

The issue with people who suffer Bipolar is often that they are completely unaware of what they’re experiencing and in complete denial. My partner has been progressively angrier after a change in medication. Last week he had a flu and stopped taking his meds all together which made him fly into violent rages daily and he broke up with me last night. I’ve done everything I can to support him and still love him deeply but his mental state makes him hate me, doubt everything I say and become violent over the smallest thing. I’m the person who loves him and supports him most in the world (and have been his advocate throughout his diagnosis) but because he’s not medicated I’m now his number 1 enemy. 😢

Basically my point to you is that there was a time a few months ago where he was medicated ‘correctly’ and we had three months of bliss. He was loving, understanding supportive, I could talk to him about anything and I felt listened to and completely in love - I had my man back! We didn’t have any arguments - just a couple of misunderstandings that were resolved very quickly and easily. But when he saw his psychiatrist, he complained of feeling demotivated at work, and the psychiatrist suggested that his medication be altered. After this alteration, I could definitely see a huge difference! He may have been slightly more motivated at work, but he was also much quicker to anger and really difficult to live with.

Your husband may or may not have Bipolar. But I would say that the sooner you address things, the better outcome you will have. Speaking from my experience, if I had contacted my partners psychiatrist against his wishes (which is something I told him I wouldn’t do) his medication would’ve been changed again, he wouldn’t be suffering, he would trust me, he would be much more positive and we’d be happy again. Instead this illness has taken away my beautiful man and replaced him with an evil, violent stranger. And there’s no coming back from that, I’ve now lost him forever. 😢

I’ve learnt that with bipolar, you sometimes have to go against what the sufferer wants to make sure that they are taken care of so they can be at their best. I would suggest that you do what you think is best. 💕