Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[G_C]

Hi my sister has body dysmorphic disorder and I've been struggling to have any kind of relationship with her for the last few years, especially as she's gotten more obsessive about her appearance during this time. She is hard to live with because she's really messy and always breaking my stuff through mistakes or clumsiness. And she gets really upset at herself for messing up so it's hard to hold her accountable for anything when she has such low self worth.

She's been obsessive and compulsive over getting cosmetic surgeries and has postponed her career which she's passionate about several times to take jobs she doesn't like but that she thinks will make her more money faster. This is just for spending on cosmetic surgeries. She's had several things done but its never enough. And she understands that the BDD is messing up her life but she won't see a psychologist because she says she can't afford it. But really she's not struggling with any living costs, shes convinced she's broke because she's always so stressed about saving up for the next surgery. We're talking tens of thousands of dollars. She's already spend over 30000 dollars on surgery.

I miss how she used to be when the BDD wasn't this bad. Shes so preoccupied all the time and it feels like I can't connect to her anymore, like she doesn't actually hear me or relate to me any more because her mind is always elsewhere and preoccupied. 

I want her to get help and recover but I don't know how to help. And I'm so tired of this and living with how messy and clumsy she is. It's hard to hear her only really talk about comparing herself to other girls and obsess about her looks. How do I get her to see someone? And are there any BDD specialist psychologists in Melbourne? Or is this pointless and should I just give up? 

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing.

Does your sister think there's a problem with what she is doing? @G_C It sounds like it's a very stressful time for you. 

I know you wanted a specific BDD psych, but does she have any professional support at the moment?

Also, I'm concerned for you and hope you also get the support you need at this time.

[Shiki]

Hi @G_C  

Hope you doing okay during what sounds like a bit of a rough period for you currently, i always advise in being cautious when it comes to pressuring others to seek help, does she generally want help and think she has a real issue or is this something she wants to do as it sounds like she's very set on continuing with it from what you have described? There two important things here we should think of 1. is yourself and 2.your relationship with you sister.  Firstly you have to deep dive into yourself and really consider what you want, and how you feel and also why do you feel way you do and does she feel the same way? if she not wanting to listen to you, its something you cant force upon her she has to be willing and its likely to put more strain between you two if you keep pushing and she continue to reject your concerns. If you need her to move or you move out in order to be at peace within youself and save your relationship with her than thats something you should consider if thats what you want to do, your health comes first and you have to make sure your mental state is sound and that you are able to be in control and calm specially when engaging with your sister. Sit her down and have a chat with her gently mention you think one of you might need to relocate but stay supportive of her, or perhaps just speak to her regards to her cleanliness create a cleaning schedule so you both have a clear responsibility but do it with her not for her. At the end of her day her choice of lifestyle is her own and all you can do is support her while she goes through this and be there for her if she ever decides she wants help, people do not change unless they want to change sometimes it might mean they have to hit rock bottom first before they realise but its solely her choice what she wants to do even if you are unhappy about it. if all else fails you need to do what's right for yourself and live your life whatever that means for you.  you need to have a think about what you really want and what she really wants and have a calm discussion about it with her.

Hope this helps, please do call the hotline if you are struggling.