Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Sharni-lea]

Hi all,

Does anybody have experience with a partner with bpd. My partner is not voilent or nasty but I am stuck in push pull dynamic and definitely emotion abuse, gaslighting manipulation. It's hard talking to people with no experience as they all say leave and it's manipulation but it's honestly mental health, although the behaviour is not okay I am trying to be supportive while she gets help as she is hurting too but I'm worried now about looking after myself as Its been 5 months (we've been together 11 years). Hoping for looking after self specifically based on bpd partner experiences. Have read A LOT but loved shared lived experiences x

[Chook_]

@Sharni-lea 
I just read your post, I feel for you going through this and I understand exactly what you are saying, I am constantly told by people that I don’t deserve it/ leave etc. but like you I understand it is mental health. A big thing for me as well in staying is that my partner has seeked and now accepted the diagnosis, and us also constantly trying to make changes (while I don’t think they are always the right ones, he’s trying) 

The biggest thing that has helped me over the past years is setting up boundaries, and when there are those unacceptable behaviors happening I calmly say “I can see you are ____, I would like to help/ is there anything I can do?” I also will sometimes acknowledge the feelings they are feeling but explain that how they are speaking to me or behaving is not what I am accepting and that I need to remove myself for a moment and will come back to the conversation / space soon. 

Please reply and chat whenever you feel you need to, we need people holding us up as well.