Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Hugs @RoseGeranium @Shaz51 @chibam 

You are all so brave. Each one in your own way.

[Shaz51]

And to you too @tyme ❤️

[Bow]

Hey @RoseGeranium  just want to acknowledge you and your post and the grief that you hold. 
I didn’t get married until I was 31 and I had my daughter when I was 32. My marriage then ended. From as long as I can remember all I’ve ever wanted was to be a mum and raise my children. I really struggled when all my friends got married in their 20s and started having babies. I never thought my time would come. I guess in a way I started grieving. I also had ovarian cancer in my 20s so never really knew if I was to get married whether I would be able to have kids anyways. 

I share a bit of my story cause I just want you to know that it’s perfectly ok and normal to grieve this. To grieve the dreams that you hoped for and never seen come to life. Even though I was very blessed to have my daughter I have very much been in a grieving journey of not being able to have another child. Like you I thought about doing it on my own, but just knew I couldn’t do it for many reasons. 

Give yourself time. Grieve. And I guess accept that it could be a life long journey where it comes and goes. It’s ok to not be ok. 
hope what I have said is ok? 

[tyme]

That was so beautifully shared @Bow . Thank you

[DragonFly24]

Hi there

Gosh, I am sorry to hear of your pain.

You are not alone.

Hubby and I have tried to have kids for the past year, and no luck. I too have Bipolar (1), and also OCD. 

Feel free to ask me anything. 

I wish you all the very best,

[Shaz51]

@RoseGeranium ,

@DragonFly24 message above 

[LillianTereasa]

Hi my situation is slightly different.

All I have ever wanted was to be a mother. I’m now 58  Thankfully the grief isn’t there all the time. I find Christmas the hardest time. It seems to remind me of what I don’t have.

I was told in my early 30s I wasn’t able to have children. I was heartbroken.

For awhile the pain was so great that it consumed my life. Over the years I have had to find other things to put in the hole. I have a beautiful dog that is treated more like my child than a dog but he doesn’t seem to mind. I also tutor and look after other peoples children. I find parents are happy to lend me their children for awhile. Which is good for me. So I just pour all my love into them. It does help lessen the pain and it seems to help.

Lillian

[Shaz51]

Hello @LillianTereasa 🥰

A little tip to put a @ In front of a name so they receive your message 

Same as me , I found out I could not have children too

And I was a childcare provider in my own home for 25  years and looked after many children over the years 

I am 59 

@PinkFlamingo , @RoseGeranium , @DragonFly24 , @tyme , @Bow 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @LillianTereasa  @Bow  @Shaz51  @RoseGeranium  @DragonFly24  @tyme @chibam 

Thanks Shaz for tagging me on this, I really appreciate it 💜

And thank you everyone for speaking openly about your experiences...Im really sorry you've each had to go through the grief that comes with our situations.

I am also 51, and have no children. 

I have not a clear idea where to start, because the loss I have experienced has been lifelong and multifactorial (and is quite emotionally confronting for anyone to read)... so, I guess I won't go into why; suffice to say that I deeply understand and have felt the grief of loss and longing for children many times over the last 35 years. 

The pain...I guess it doesn't go. But, in my case, I have become used to it, and its like an old friend who comes and goes - the kind of old friend that you can't say no to, but they do irk you deeply nevertheless in a very bittersweet way...however for the sake of their need to come and go, you say nothing and humbly accept and peacefully tolerate their presence, hoping one day they will choose not to return.

I don't think that will happen for me; I think that guest will always visit my house, however I will continue to do the best I can to treat them with the respect and gentleness they deserve in their natural state of turmoil - after all, in doing so, I give myself space to grieve with some sense of peace, whenever they do arrive yet again to visit 💜🌺
Youre not alone, and I guess the best we can do is the best we can do, when it comes to not holding ourselves to harsh accountability for what life's unknown path brings our way 🙂🌺💜

[tyme]

@RoseGeranium ,

Are there ways you connect with people e.g. through meet-ups or through groups or anything?