Thinking of throwing in the towel and walking away

[Espoir]

Thank you, Kiera80. You don't believe anyone is predisposed to getting a mental illness? That's interesting. You don't think it is partially genetic, then? Mind you, if you look carefully at every single family, there are always somewhere a few members who struggled/are struggling with some kind of mental issues. But still, I see a lot similarities between my son and my sister's son and yet, they both live in different countries and have barely ever seen one another. That's what made me think of some sort of genetic weakness...
Who knows?

[Alessandra1992]

Hmmm it bothers me when people get labellwd..genetic weakness sounds like a label to me...think of our attitudes and values..how does genetic diversity read?
One one hand I might be genetically inferior or weak, ob the other I am a hotchpotch of many different strands adding to my DNA..
And what if my illness was based in trauma or environment?
I would prefer people to accept diversity in all of its richness than to look for a prism that defines me ob my DNA...

[Espoir]

Whether we like it or not, genes are there and some can be seen as strengths and others weaknesses. Nothing wrong with that. We all have a bit of both. Physically, some have stronger hearts or stomachs than others, that's life. Same with mental health I believe. And, as stated, I was speaking from the point of view of someone who has apparently had a normal, trauma free childhood, dearly loved by both parents who have always been present and caring. In that case, I believe the genetic "weakness" is hypersensitivity making it hard to cope with the real world. At the end of the day, no matter what the origin is, the result is the same... Interesting conversation, though.

[Snoo]

I might be getting into semantics and stuff, but I'd like to say its's more a 'genetic predispostion', meaning that one can be predisposed to having an ailment but not it is certainly not determined. There's a set of circumstances that can contribute to illness, like their environment,  life stressors, and people's capacity to cope, which can depend on their learned coping skills.

@Espoirand @Alessandra1992 I reckon it can be a bit of both, but I'm hesitant to say that just because it's in your family that you're doomed to be unwell. It's more complicated than that, environment and social circumstances play a huge role in well being too.

Just thought I'd put my two cents in... 

[Kiera80]

There is alot to ponder in raising the question of mental illness being in the genes.

I have read some studies where the thought is that most mental disorders are not directly passed from one generation to another genetically, and there is no single cause for mental illness.

I have however known people who suffer from depression and I know one of their parents also had depression.

I only speak of my experience in my family where nobody other than my sibling has a mental illness.

I do believe that outside factors can majorly contribute to a persons mental well being.  I know with all that I have been through I have suffered because of it and it has affected my own mental health, but no great surprise there.  I put that to one side though because it's clearly cause and effect.

There doesn't seem to be a clear answer as to why some people get a mental illness and others don't.  It's even harder to understand why some people get multiple problems around their mental illness.  My sibling not only has BPD but also has had bouts of depression, anxiety, paranoia and obsessive compulsive disorder.  I wonder where on earth all of that could have come from.

[Maree]

I know it is not the same, but when dad was hallucinating all night with dementia and Parkinsons, and Mum got so little sleep. When she also had to care for him all over again during the day, she lost all ability to be able to see the woods for the trees. The best thing we could have done was to put dad in a home. We visited daily, and their love blossomed again. The change in Mum showed us how much stress she had been under. She was happy again, and able to spend the last months with Dad in a good relationship. So sometimes separating is the only thing you can do. I wish there were more facilities for our mentally ill family be they dementia or otherwise so that we can function again. And so the relationship does not have to deteriorate into co-dependency.

[ivana]

Kiera80-

While mental illness is sometimes genetic it isn't always, i agree.

Unfortunately many psychiatrists get "tunner vision" and only reference from the DSM and forget(or disbelieve) that there are many other medical factors that can cause mental illness symptoms.

On the other hand,other specialists (such as endocrinolgist etc) often dont want to "deal with" people with mental type symptoms due to the stigma that they have towards them and direct them right back to the psychiatrist instead of looking for underlying causes of their symptoms such as graves disease etc..

BPD-what your sister has been "labelled" with can also be caused by enviromental factors such as sexual abuse.

Other causes of mental type symtoms include thryoid dysfunction disorders,B12 deficiency,B3 deficiency,tumors,TLE,cysts and much more.

In addition,Postmortem studies of people diagnosed with schizophrenia and depression have also shown neuroinflammation,oxidative stress,mitochondrial dysfunction etc..

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/forensic-psychiatry/differential-diagnosis-psychotic-symptoms-medica...

http://www.eric.vcu.edu/home/resources/pipc/Anxiety_Disorders/Article_Medical_Mimics_of_Anxiety_Diso...

http://www.jneuroinflammation.com/content/10/1/43

[ivana]

Typos:(

[Repunzel63]

Hi Keira80,

This is the first day in this forum and I find that I am been typing replies to all and sundry but am yet to follow my own advice.

My daugher also has Borderline and I have been trying to cope with her behaviours for 4 yrs now. I have been told that Narcisism is often and element of the disorder along with delusions of grandeur. 

My daughter was physical abusive towards me but isnt now. I got her out of my house and into alternative accommodation in order to preserve my own sanity. However I am now financially a mess because she has compulsive spending issues and I keep bailing her out. It is coming to the point where I also am considering throwing in the towell. I feel as though I am trapped with no light at the end of the tunnel. I am now 52. I cant go anyway or do anything because I have no money. I am with debt recoveries and cannot get credit for 7 yrs now. I have always dreamed of being able to buy my own house but now realise this will never happen now. I love my daughter very much but I feel that if I stick around then she will never do the things she needs to do to manage her disorder. Yes the distance aleiviated the abuse but the financial and emotional trauma continues. She is not being nasty although that was how I felt before. The pain she suffers is real but the fact is that I am a pushover. She herself tells me this. I cannot bear to see her in pain so it is precisely because I love her that means I have to look at stepping aside properly. I have been advised by her psychologist to introduce some major rules for when she comes to visit but am not sure if I can manage that. Yes its hard yakka thats for sure. Let me know how you go as I am learning from you believe it or not! 🙂

[Repunzel63]

If you get a professional telling you that they cant diagnose or (label) someone until they are 18 get another one as that is totally wrong and shows that professional is not up to date with information.

Good luck. I sympathise with your plights. My daughter can charm the birds out of trees when she tries to but I always knew there was something wrong right from Kindergarten days. The teacheer told me she had to move the other childrern to her rather than the other way around. I also got a call from her telling me to clip her nails because she scratched another child in a tantrum.